::i.ndra::

Thanks and goodbye.

2010-08-25T21:53:00.000-07:00

I owe a lot to this address. And I owe a lot to them friends i have here.
Thanks pals!

Selamat berpuasa dan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri

Song for you

2010-06-30T07:44:00.000-07:00

Cuz you're so far away....

Closer to me - 5ive

Constantly girl you're on my mind,
and girl I think about you all of the time
and even though words are hard to say,
girl I miss you, never thought I'd feel this way.

If you keep on taking,
my heart you'll be breaking so why do you do this to me?
You know how I'm feeling it's you I believe in
baby can't you see that I need you?

You know that it's true.
Every time I see your face I miss you baby
You know that it's you.
I want to let you know you're driving me crazy.
I'd do anything to help you to see,
I don't think you understand what you're doing to me.
You know that it's true.
Every now and then I want to call you baby.
You know that it's you.
I say a prayer that you'll come back to me lady.
Oh yeah.
Life ain't anything alone can't you see you're an angel in my eyes,
everyday you're closer to me.

Nobody's there when I call your name,
and nights are cold girl without your flame.
But if I could girl I'd make you see.
That I'm sorry, and that I need you here with me.

Every day reminisce with the past
of a love that we thought would last.
How we used to be when it was you and me.
How did it all disappear so fast.
There are days that I can't forget
there are things that I now regret.
I was there for you when you were there for me,
and I was thinkin' we were set.
Every night when I'm laying in my bed
I hear your voice going round in my head,
think of all the things I could have done
and all those things I could have said.
I really will make it up to you
I know now what I've got to do,
It took time but now I've realised how much I'm missing you.

And I Leave [damn lame version]

2010-06-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

Standing near the stairs
Would you read the pain on the face?
Could you define the feelings for you?
Should he stop chasing?

He was leaning on.
Guess he’s waiting for the world to end
Guess it’s time to move on
Guess it’s the songster’s regret song.

He was going down.
Hoping is an odd chance
The guy’s not crazy
It’s the falling that keeps him sane

I am sure you’ve met harmony
The haze refreshes
The fog incapacitate
Still, it’s harmony.

If the melody stops
Look for him no more
Call his heart no more
Because he’s at peace.

One Pen, Two Eyes and A Pile of Experiences

2010-06-23T19:59:00.000-07:00

It’s not easy to face life as it is with your own self. It’s rather impossible to do it, lacking everything. A long-lasting happiness which probably one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard in life, have noted that loyalty could be the key. Whereas, happiness which also one of the most preposterous stuffs that could happen to any couple, stated that ‘do everything what you want to do’ is what you need to do in your life. These are the things that make your life complete. Then, I laughed.

My friend, my friend. A collection of beautiful qualities in your life is not the only thing that will make your life remain at peace. I was told by my father every time I was about to fly to Kuala Lumpur that, once you’ve started plucking, you should never pick up the remaining. Well yes, I admit that is the only thing he always had to say to all his sons and we’re kind of tired listening to it [Sorry pa! Hahaha]. But, when I give it a second thought; it bases not only on the study of all of us siblings, but our life as well. He’s such a smart talker, I would say. You could do everything without looking back every things you left behind, and it’s just a matter of being able to work it out and putting back the little piece to where it belongs; fixing back the repulsiveness.

After tutorial and had some [I mean HUGE] plates of meal at Ali Maju, me and Yogi went back to his home just for a while at Medang Serai, Bangsar. Luckily it wasn’t jammed. After lingering around his room for a while, I decided to leave but was stuck at Alicia’s room. I knew that she was about to leave for Australia, but every time we meet, there’s just so much things we could talk about that I could sometime lost track of time as well as the “moving to Australia” part. Eventually, she spitted it out and we spent several hours talking about life, love and the future. She’s such an intelligent and sweet girl. I still wonder why anyone could never see that in her. I told her that I’ve a plan to move out as well. This could be my last semester in HELP, or maybe Malaysia. But who knows; maybe I’ll be coming back.

I was monitoring the conversation. And I realized that there is a similarity between me and her. I couldn’t help but noticing that her enthusiast towards writing is something that she could not put away. She talks about all sorts of things in her writings, same as me. And then, I cracked up something else during the conversation; it’s the way we see life. When you do something that you really love, I mean REALLY REALLY LOVE, you’ll see things in life differently.

It’s like you are sitting with a notepad and a pen on top of a hill. Down there you’ll see how the grandparents are watching their grandchildren playing; mothers are cooking and might be weeping tears to the onions. Fathers tell jokes, or doing fences, and the kids say “Pa, I need some money to buy books” while in the back of their mind, their loved one is waiting to be bought an ice-cream. How sweet you would say? Yes, but dear friends, all good things come to an end. One day, you will see the most revolting and upsetting views you could ever imagine. Yes, all things seem similar, but through an enthusiast’s eyes, you see the disguise and obscurity that has and about to happen. My dear friends, all good things come to an end. But be worry not, that’s when the praying part takes turn. God will always be there, smiling to your pray.

To be continued….

Let's talk about that, talk about LOVE.

2010-06-20T04:13:00.000-07:00

Let's talk about relationship, let's talk about disappointment, let's talk about... LOVE
Love is not like a wind that cools us off and leave, neither like a rain that helps us cover our tears temporarily.
It comes like a nighttime, it comes and it cools you down.
Listens to you all night long, without hesitating.
Caressing you when you close your eyes.

Love is something you can't define blindly, though it sometimes is said to be blind. You would never know how bad it is to be in love, and knowing that at the end of the day, you won't be getting the same thing as you've given out. But it is worse when you give out your heart, and getting the same back; but didn't last like you've wished it to be. Frustrating of course,
so frustrating.

The distance.

Yes, the distance. Still vague here. But I've felt the same way before, I've left my loved one miles and miles away to go to where I am now. And yes, we've broken up after a year and a half. That was unfortunate, and people blame the distance; I go up on the fence. I control myself just to let me think of everything that has happened. Is it because of me? Or maybe my loved one. Took me time to just ponder all about it. I never blamed my other half, but still blaming myself for not being able to look after my emotions. I could say, I was kind of like a prisoner and I am kind of tied up. I lost to the rock'n'roll of my relationship, but I was happy. Eventually, I surrendered to my feelings. There's no escape from your feelings, and it never will help you to escape from anything.Said the person who hopes:
My friend, I am not a preacher.
I have no reason to order you around, let alone to fall for me. You have no reason to fall for me, because anything that you see is everything that you might get. What you have wished for me to be, may be impossible for me to be. These things might sound a little bit over-exaggerated, but yes, that's what I am. But that is fine, don't worry. I won't ruin our sweet rapture. Seeing you sad, hurts me inside. I might never be able to say I Love You because I care for you. Just let me play on my role as a stranger. Making you avoiding me is the last thing I want to do now, and that the first thing would be seeing you. Sometimes you push me than I dare, but as cool as it gets, I'll bomb my guts. But despite all of things; I can only be with you as a friend/as a brother/as a listener. I dare not say this, but please don't ever and ever doubt my strong feelings for you. :')
Said the person who's disappointed:
My friend, I can't hope no more.
Seeing you with him/her hurts me inside. Me being a slave to your heart, is hard than what I've expected. I stood up for you, I might have to follow the wrong way but you're still the one that led me. I had a nice time walking with you, and surely one of the few most wonderful times I had in my life. I carved you in my heart, and I gave you everything but to know that I was just something to be wasted. Just go on with what you like, let the one who loves you sit and do nothing but watching the memories fading. I used to feeling hazed with the word LOVE, but his story is history. It's cool, no sweat. I accept now the fact that, I am disappointed.

Said the idiot:
My friend, I just... Nothing.
I am fine, don't mind me.
I am good.

... indra

Credit of wording goes to Paloma Faith.

You can't see much when I speak; so bear with the silence.

2010-06-07T04:48:00.000-07:00

Please be silence, or speak something worth hearing.

As whatever it is,

silence doesn’t mean you don’t care…

it means letting things make their way without impediment.

Because you say it best, when you say nothing at all.

credits to =my fragile heart=

Christian Bautista - The Way You Look At Me

2010-06-05T00:12:00.000-07:00

Filipinos surely know how to shout beautifully. No wonder they're called the Hollywood of Asia :)

P/S: Thank you for introducing this to me.

Nothing Else Like Her Love.

2010-05-26T19:46:00.000-07:00

Voila! And my meals are inside my esophagus. I was watching Moulin Rouge when they all crawled down from my jaws to inside of me. It was an excellent piece, I must say. Beautiful in a moment, though is sentimental. Again, it gets me.

You see, I don’t have enough time to brag about mom these few days because everyone is doing the same thing. I don’t want to talk about her because it’s Mother’s Day. I want to talk about her because she is a mother.

Along the way to my 21 almost 22 years existing, I’ve accepted more than enough from a woman I call a mother. Then again, it impresses me how I never get enough of it dearly. Maybe that is why you call it “The Mother’s Touch”. We all embrace aging, but nearly all of us deny that we miss the moment we had with her. Some of us work hard to earn that back, but maybe of our ego it goes back to how it was, walking away.

Getting older doesn’t mean we get to leave our memories together. Getting older doesn’t mean we get to grow up of how we are not raised to be. Getting older also doesn’t mean that we get to leave her alone; because it’s not fair, it never was and it never will be.

How do you feel seeing your mother walking down the aisle of people around the town knowing that she barely has RM10 inside her wallet? How do you feel seeing your mother walks around with her best friend to a farmers market when the only thing she can afford to buy is three pieces of chicken wings for her three children? How do you feel seeing your mother, bringing one plastic bag with only the chicken wings inside while helping her friend lifting up hers on her right hand?

Do you want to see your mom work to her last breath just to pay your expenses? Do you want to make wrong moves when she says it’s not the way you supposed to go? Do you want to see people look down on your mom just because you didn’t try your best in your life? Do you want to see how sad she will be when she knows that you live in filth?

Her love is deep. So deep that she could throw anything away just to give us everything. We walk on earth because of her, we run because of the breath she gave us. The time we had together, is the time we should precious the most. Nothing could ever win the love of a mother, because she knew everything that happens within us. She knows how bad we feel when we are being rebellious, but she knows if she speaks back, it will only scratch the pure bond between a mother and her child. And so she just sits back... and silent, like always.

We don't know how hard she pray every single night. Praying to Him, asking for happiness to be poured onto you. How she sometimes cry in her sleep remembering how high you raised your voice to her. How she weeps her own tears, without anyone's help. Praying to Him, saying let all the burdens of my children are put upon me, struggle till my last breath. It is an obvious communication, and she tells it by the wrinkles on her face that you see so ugly. Or her sweats you smell like a debris.

You don't know how touched she was when you shake her hands, kiss her on her cheeks. That is when she actually could ask for nothing else but that. When she sees you holding her hands, sits beside her and lean your head on her shoulder. That is the moment when she feels like she has been a successful mother, not educationally nor monetarily. But in the sense of loving. That is all she longs for.

She gave up everything she wanted just to raise us up perfectly, and she gave up everything just to make you happy. Her effort is not to be paid back; she only wants to be remembered. She wanted us to be raised up without a glitch, and when we own that, appreciation is the only thing she looks for. Not monetarily, not materialistically, but by remembering. Commemoration of an effort of a woman called a mother. Happy Mother’s Day.

"Saya sayang ibu, saya rindu ibu. Kalau saja tanganmu masih bisa kucium, kalau saja tubuhmu bisa kupeluk, kalau saja rambutmu bisa ku usap. Oh ibu, cinta aku kasih aku,tetap untukmu hingga ke mati. Oh Tuhan, sesungguhnya engkau telah kurniakan aku mukjizat yang sangat bermakna. Mukjizat yang sangat putih dihatinya, mukjizat yang sangat suci dijiwanya. Seandainya dia pergi sebelumku, engkau tempatkanlah ia dikalangan mereka yang engkau cintai. Aku menadah tangan, mengirim doa kudusku, semoga rohnya Kau cucuri segala rahmat. Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin"

Sesungguhnya tiada kasih tertanding, selain kasih ibuku.

Selamat Hari Ibu buat ibu-ibu sedunia, dan kepada mereka yang telah pergi, Al-Fatihah.

It will never be good, even turning it in to another sense.

2010-04-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

I am extremely down when it comes to this issue. That cute little fingers, and those fragile bones inside of them, those little ones who in the future may have the possibilities of making you proud, thrown away, JUST LIKE THAT. Awfully hurtful!

See how cute this baby is :'(
this angel's face reminds me of my little cousin, Canon. :'(

Newscasts concerning babies being thrown away, killed, and tormented are spreading. Do we really want this to go on? Some may say NO, those who say "YES"[and why on earth is that, by the way?] I yearn for your explanations. Let's put ourselves inside their shoes, what can you see? You've just started seeing the sunlight, you've just started to see the people whom you think may give you a chance to walk on earth. All of a sudden, you were dragged out of the comfort and put inside a box, or perhaps a dark colored plastic even. Left there; lonely with stinging mosquitoes, alone with no one else to hold you. Left there; with nothing to eat, to be bitten by those wild beasts. Left there; still confused, asking themselves what mistake did they have done to you.

This issue offered me an idea for an assignment of my Public Speaking class the other day. My persuasive speech entitled "Child Poverty: Have we cared enough?" has helped me to earn 95 marks out of 100 for this last assignment. It was just okay, but believe me while presenting this, I was extremely into it. The script that I've written the whole night was kept inside my jeans' pocket; because I know how difficult and hurtful those little ones felt when not only their skin, flesh but the most important is (their heart), torn apart by poor humans' crave.
::i.ndra::
Could we put into visual, if only they could utter words that very moment. They probably will thank us for willing to bring them anywhere for the whole 9 months, they probably will show their gratitude for giving them a chance to see the world, they probably will promise that they will take care of you when they've grown up. And, they probably will someday, make you proud for having them in your life.

But who knows, maybe they will still thank you, for giving them a chance to see the little world of ours. The world which you see as heaven, and in our perspective, world full of immorality, sins, dirt. Maybe up there, they are looking at you... Smiling, but still
........................heartbroken. How white, how pure their heart is.

Please people, I beg you to not throw them to the nature. Give them to the people who are willing to treat them as a baby, as a human. Everyone makes mistakes, no matter how big the mistakes are, it still have nothing to do with that newborn angel. The great Gandhi once said;

"There is no place on earth and no race, which is not capable of producing the finest types of humanity, given suitable opportunities and education"
- quoted, Mahatma Gandhi.

we still can change, how? by giving yourself an opportunity to change
[save a baby]
- Indra Mozainie

formspring.me

2010-04-08T22:55:00.001-07:00

Ever wondered how do I think about something? Ask me anything at http://formspring.me/mohdindra

Story for a Friend [Left Out]

2010-03-05T07:24:00.000-08:00

You meet somebody for the first time, and that is the time when you feel like the brick of your home starts completing. You realized that I was the one to be friend with. One time, you ask me to go sight-seeing with you and from there on I can see the flowers of friendship are blooming. Again, you realized I was the one to be friend with. I was the one.

You went out with me again the next week. You had so much fun, and told so many things about you and your family. I was so quiet but you realized, that I was listening attentively. My heart says, if only I could talk about something well-appointed about my family. You brought another friend to the circle, and you thought he would be the same as me. I was smiling, and you thought I was happy. Actually I do, I feel glad meeting a new friend.

The next day, we went out again. We spent loads of money on diversion :). I'm broke, but at least you are happy. Then one day, you called me saying... 'Oh friend, tomorrow we'll be going for a fun fair'. I looked in to my wallet, and there was only a few blue notes and receipts. I came, but only to accompany you eating, and entertain you with my plain jokes.

Day after day, the club is getting bigger. I am happy though, for them at least. Days go by, and the club is getting stronger but with me becoming more and more weak. See now I am the weakest link. The seat that used to be reserved for me becomes somebody else's. But don't worry about me, I'm fine. I understand, because I'm your friend. :-)

Go on and take A, B and C, I'll take the F. No worries :-) because I'm your friend.

Now the word "we" has become "us" with no me. But I understand, I know.

You say I am conceited, vain. Because I am giving you spaces to be with the people in your league, at least I'm not. I always sit somewhere that suits me, well that's how I thought it would be. I am assuming that that is the reason I'm conceited, and vain. By giving a chance to boost up the bond between you and them, without me. Maybe I am conceited, I am vain.I don't get invitation messages anymore, I don't get a text message saying "Come, we miss you" or even at least "Where are you, we're here waiting for you" like you send to the rest. But that's okay, the important thing is, you are happy.

I'd do anything to please you. But maybe my unevenness that portrays me as a stuck-up, and that holds me back. I put up with it, maybe because I lack of close companions. Those real ones that could let me talk freely, about my patchiness and weaknesses. Not in the prosperous way, but in a humble way.

I'd love to quote on one of Will Young's songs which sounds like this;

"I'm here just like I said,

though it's breaking every rule I've ever made

My racing heart, is just the same;

Why make it strong to break it once again."

- Will Young, Leave Right Now

The words seemed clear to me that, I would do anything for you if I could. Though it kills me inside, I can't let that be a hindrance to our friendship. Let me the one to be screamed at, let me be the one to get the blame, not you.

Maybe because I am different than you in terms of tribe line, in terms of understandings. It all goes back to me, even if I were to be blamed for it, I'll take it. For the sake of you, dear friend. You happy, I'm happy, remember? :-).

My friend,

I would really appreciate it if you could spare me at least one more little spot. To put back the little piece of puzzle to where it belongs, to see the hole that covered the smile. And please don't say the pieces don't fit anymore, for my sake.

I couldn't tell if I still make you seethe but, perhaps the only thing I could say is,

I am not proud.

I am proud in terms of my race, but I have nothing more to be proud of.

I am no one, just an underprivileged guy that used to be somebody in the circle.

The one you used to call... a friend.

Love of a Father [Cinta Ayah]

2010-03-01T03:36:00.000-08:00

Last night I was sitting in front of my computer, and an image of a person came up to mind. I realized he is special, he is really, special. I am standing here now, because of him. I remember how he never fails to make people smile with his funny jokes. He said to me one time, "I would do anything for my children even if that means to die". I laughed, as I was naive and wasn't aware of the meaning behind it, and it was blurted out from a guy's mouth. Thought it was a joke.
One day, I was pissed because he made a mistake. I yelled at him, yes he deserved it!. He didn't eat for dinner, he stays in the living room doing his work. I can see the water he's trying to hide but who cares?
What did he do, you might wonder. He said he couldn't afford to buy me a phone!
Then the next day, he brought home a second hand phone. I hesitated, but I was proud as he only uses an old obnoxious phone or the one his boss lent him.
Back then, we were still stabilizing the condition. He's just a coolie for some people in the government, but the only thing I saw was money coming in.
Now he has health complications all over, but he is still working.
Working hard to earn some cents to keep his family stand on ground.

Going back to his hometown was like going for a math camp, we scrupled.
He asked us one day, "Hey, we'll go back to kampung this weekend. A lot of people are coming back". Again, we wavered.
He said "Okay, have fun with your friends, be careful", nicely though it sounds broken.
I get to see how sincere he is looking over me and my whole family.

This is a real story of mine, sometimes we don't remember how hard our father have struggled looking out for us until he's no longer with us. All my life, we've lived in hardness, and he taught us how to live in humbleness. I remember the time he always wakes up early in the morning and asks us to take wudhu', pray together and ask for forgiveness from Him.
I hope what he's taught me will never fade out till the end of time, till it's time for me to pass it on to my children.

P/S:

Tuhanku,
Sesungguhnya engkau benar telah kurniakan kami seorang insan yang bisa membimbing kami ke jalan yang benar. Jika engkau harus mengambil rohnya, ambillah secara aman. Tetapi berilah kesempatan kami untuk memeluk, mencium dan berdialog bersamanya untuk kali yang terakhir sebelum engkau menarik nafasnya.
Tuhanku,
Engkau maha pengampun, engkau maha penyayang.
Ampunilah dosa-dosa ibu bapaku, bersihkan jiwa mereka seperti baldu putih yang suci.
Bariskan mereka bersama mereka yang engkau sayangi.
Sesungguhnya tiada yang lain bisaku pinta selainmu.

Amin ya Rabbil Alamin....

When night falls...

2009-12-07T07:49:00.000-08:00

Don't you think it is better for us to fall in love with night time?
Night has never fail to keep its promise to us.
When it says it wants to see you tomorrow, it WILL come.
When we say we hate night time, it will always come.
But with all its might, it tries its very hard to shed some light from its heart - the light of the moon, so that it could lessen the anger in us.
I am always fascinated by the beauty of the night. When I am in Ranau, and I am awake at a particular time before dawn, I will always sit at our veranda. Looking at the beauty and serenity of life.

It loves to tell stories. Tells many untold ones.
Because, night witnesses many kinds of things. Though people swear at night, it can never be able to speak back to them. Instead, it blows the calming wind of air to them. Thus turning them into someone better.
Stars laugh together with us, moon shone its light.
Isn't it just mesmerizing?

Once it says to me, saying "Hey, I see the way you stare at me. Just tell me everything, I'll be here for you until morning. I'll be the one to accompany you. Not to worry, your tears are just too valuable for anyone to see. I'll close my eyes, you just let it flow, I'm here to make you feel better. If you don't feel like it, not to worry, I'll come back tomorrow. And the day onwards. Forever." It lets out the water in me, it was a cold cold night.

Tonight's a disappointment, that's just an expression. The night's just so boring, that's just a feeling. I hate night time, that's just emotion speaking. Truth is, night has never fail to sooth us down, it's the only time where we'll have the chance to be with ourselves, our loved ones, to reflect back everything that we've done. It comes everyday to look after us devotedly 'til the sun rises. Night is coming and I should be fine, that's the manner we should've used.

People would say why would I talk about this matter?. No males should say such things, something so queer like this. This is so wrong!

Well, I'm just a guy. A sentimental guy I would say, Not A God.

Goodnight Lovelies. Goodnight my nighttime partner.

2009-12-06T08:13:00.000-08:00

Why did I put up a picture of roses? It's a symbol of my appreciation, my happiness of having people like you to light up my life. I combined all the colors, and i'll just leave you to figure out the meaning of each colors of the roses to yourself yeah. But, for all the things I've said in my previous posts, I would like to APOLOGIZE to those who have been hurt badly, or not. Seriously man, I don't have any friggin' idea that you guys would even click on my blog. Geez, this is really interesting. But like Yogi said, it's mine. So I guess I'll just speak my heart out. I know people sometimes think that I tell too much lies, but seriously I don't. That means, I just can't. I said I can't and that's that. I can't. Therefore, I'm sorry if I couldn't afford to give you guys what you wish for, and sorry if I ever hurt anyone's feeling.

I am bored.

Yesterday was slow, I slept at around 3.30 in the morning and like always, I'll get a morning alarm by a call from aunty at around 7am. Stretching time, ouh my Gah... For God's sake, I couldn't see any effect of the inches that are sweated out of my body since like weeks ago. No difference at all, we always wrap up the morning exercise by getting our butts on the chair in front of the park with a bowl of Bakso (or is it Soto?) ahead of us. So much for the so-called 'effort', huh?

Study week starts tomorrow. It's the first time we've ever gotten a study week. Since my first semester here last year, all we've got was just two to three days of resting.
I admit that I'm not a fast learner like my other peers, but I am happy to see that my pointer has gone up every single damn semester. I'm really happy that I could actually manage to get my ass to this level. Plus, my broken English. I've printed out all my notes and am trying my best to get my eyes and mind stuck to the papers. I will certainly call this week as a struggle week though. Despite my "itchy ass", will instead lay down in bed and read, I hope this time, the mattresses are going to be bad to me. So that I would not get sleepy easily.

Hey, music! The best healer, at least for me. After reminding her, and waited for like three days, Aliah finally went up and asked for my cousin's guitar. Been a long time since last time I plucked a guitar string. I did, the other day during my practice with Ray Low for the FrequenC Acoustic Performance in college, but it's not the same. I'm intending to hone up my plucking skills as now my fingertips are getting softer. I used to have such a hard fingertips (for those who do not know, our fingertips will get hard when we play guitar for a period of time).

How many days left for me to fly back to Sabah? It's Dec 7th today. Wow, time does fly really fast. 9 days to go, and I'm sure my brother couldn't wait to see his new bag that I bought from Vince. But most of all, I couldn't wait to meet my parents, my mum and dad. I need to kiss their hands. My family. Not forgetting my friends. I couldn't wait to sit back at Ice Cool and have some 'mikirayew' (show-off) time. LOL...

Farid called me the other day at 12 or 1 in the morning, I have no idea what has got in to him to call me that late. But I wasn't sleeping yet, I was on the line, facebook-ing,I know, he's always like that. Since we've ended the unusual crisis we're having few years back, we're really close. Like brothers! Like, really! LOL... I can now call him bro, and well in the nearest time I hope, 'abang'. We just lost grip of what's happened before, but now we've grown up so we know which one is good and which is not. I'll stop talking about us, save that for another time. And let's just call it another post.

Clap! Clap! Curtain falls...........................

the day

2009-10-29T07:23:00.000-07:00

I sold my day by coming home early from campus. I went back just after attending Cheah's experiment. I was about to cancel my experiment for yesterday as I was seriously 'lethargic' to wake up from my sleep. I was lying down and reached my computer and went online. I went ipsy.help.edu.my to cancel my sign up but when I saw it was actually an experiment held by Cheah, Jeevi, Yi Ling, Jared and the others, well they are good friends of mine so I decided to just go "just for them". Spongebob and Aly were some of the participants in their experiment, and me too. JARED IS CRAZY! hahaha! There I said it, just imagine I walked down the corridor to the experiment room and he was like "What are you doing here? Go home lar, we don't want you here", and I was like "Eih, it's good dy you know signing up for your experiment cuz seems like you guys haven't gotten much participants! Hahahaa!". But, yeah! He's always been like that since our first semester, he always feels horny. After done with my 30-minute experiment, I went back home, straight away. And slept with my computer turned on on the table beside me, and of course the music grasping through the atmosphere in my room.
Aunty went out to fetch up uncle from the airport. Yes, he's came back. Now, that certainly means 'supper' almost every night hahaha! Gemuk la sya ni mcm ni... So yeah, as expected, I sat in front of the TV and my computer and Linda was chatting with hell I know who. Suddenly, heard a voice coming from up the stair, "Ira, supper!" and I giggled as I knew that was coming.
Enough of that, now I want to talk about something that bothers me yesterday.

The Conflict
On Facebook, there was this user Yogi recommended me but I forgot what its name. It wasn't actually a common user, it's like a regularly-updated-news-summary user. I was reading the comments and it suddenly hits me that there was this particular commenter mentioned the name Malingsia, I was pretty hesitant to actually comment about that but then, I did eventually. I commented as it should be, appropriately with a smile emoticon at the end of the comment. But then, their respond was pretty unpleasant. I would like to copy and paste what they have responded but I've actually deleted it from my friend list. I wouldn't know that Malingsia actually has a meaning behind it, if I hadn't interrupted their conversation.
But first thing first, why do I give a shit about this? You see, after the batik, a particular song and tarian pendet conflict between Malaysia and Indonesia the other day, I realized that more and more taunting websites are arising. They have been talking about Malaysia so much that I actually happened to pay a visit to some of the sites. And let me tell you, that several of the comments are pretty shocking, appaling, dreadful and outrageous if I wanna put it in words.
So, back to topic. Putting the name Malingsia in the view, after getting myself involved into the conversation, they have actually given me the idea of how did they managed to stumble on such name for us. I knew since I was a kid, the word 'maling' denotes the act of stealing, so generally speaking, its Malingsia = Malaysia = Stealer. After pardoning these people, they suddenly replied like I predicted, callously. After explaining to them nicely (again with smiley at the end of the sentence), I decided to just delete the user from my friend list.
It's not that I feel a hatred inside of me, nor disgust. Just that, it's making me uncomfortable with the way they speak. I have no idea why Yogi actually recommended me this user in the first place. Not blaming Yogi, I am actually happy with what he has done. In fact, I am delighted cuz it seems like he's already treated me like I'm one of them Indonesian. I love my friends, and guess what, my best friends in college are from Indonesia. So there's no reason for me to hate or be appalled on these people.

P/S: consider this as a non-sensitive issue to talk about. peace no war! : )

I cried in my pray...

2009-10-28T05:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, after getting home at around 2.00pm from campus, I gave myself time to lie down and have some pretty easy time. I was quite tired as I slept at around 4.00am something and awakened by the alarm I set. I need to follow my aunty to the LRT Taman Jaya, as now I find it actually easier for me to get to college earlier and less hassle in the early morning if I go together with them(New alternative arises! Yeay!).
It was about 2 to 3 hours after I started snoring that I was awakened by the buzzing sound of my YM, shoot it! Then starting from that moment on, I went online. I was on google, looking for some info about Psychology when I actually happened to come across with an official website from a particular hospital. I was looking at the paragraphs under 'Geriatric', and managed to find the sub-title of Racauan (Gibberish). I don't want to talk about this but I seriously couldn't get over it. I looked down and read what it said. Gibbering was the last symptom I saw my late grandma was having during her life, before she took her last breath in her lovely sleep... ='(... I kept on reading, and found out that gibbering could not be taken for granted as it could bring to death. I really don't want to say this but, "How the hell could someone like a nurse doesn't know what an elder's gibber means?". This was yesterday, but it still haunts me 'till now.
Today, I went to campus pretty late because I don't feel like going in to class actually, too sleepy dark circles around my eyes. Gosh, that's embarassing! Another spectacled eyes coming to college today.
After finishing class and his group meeting, Lingga and I went to Chillax to.... Chillaxing! T'was actually a pretty good place to have a rest, relax and yeah, chilling. Chatted with Brendan which I don't know, suddenly feels like 'kacau'ing him. 'WC'ing, and then he shared pictures of him now that he's started dragging in KK. :-) pretty cool, eh?
An hour after that, I went to Level 8 Wisma HELP. To the experiment that I signed up for, apparently it was actually my deary Melanie's experiment. Lingga waited for me at Level 9, he was onlining, and I went and met him after finishing my experiment. On our way out, we happened to bump on to Yogi, Kal, and Jordan. They chatted and apparently I was left out, LOL! Nevermind...
Afterward, I and Lingga were heading to the bus stop to wait for a cab, but then suddenly Lingga shoot out a plan. "Why don't we go for a movie first then go to class?". I was like, hey! It's your class ya know, not mine. I felt like it also, but then I'm a bit concerned about him. But then, he's lost to his desires. We went to MidValley for a movie and the movie was titled "Inglourious Basterds" (And yes, that's the spelling!), movie was kind of unexplainable. You've got to watch it first, then you'll understand what I meant.
Movie finished, went home and then prepare myself to go sleep, and take some rest.Then, I felt like calling my Grandpa. My aunty told me yesterday that he's ill, so today I decided to call him. The buffer seems pretty long, I think he's having a problem getting the phone and picking it up. He sounds weak, and that hurt me =(... I'm hoping that he would be okay soon. Farid brought him to the hospital, and get some meds. Hope he'll be well tomorrow. And here I am, writing another post for today. Going upstairs afterward to throw the rubbish, and perform my Isya' (Okay, I know I'm a lazy bump...I'm going now!).
Night Lovelies...

P/S:
Apparently the movie took almost 3hours to finish,
t'was too late to go to class, so we went home.
I am tired,
Nadia called me,
Aweyn tried calling me,
Sleep early tonight...

What happened lately?

2009-10-26T10:27:00.000-07:00

I was crawling up on the sofa while 'facebook'ing, when I suddenly felt the urge of updating my aged-rotten-ugly-smelly-perasanhebat blog. Fewwhh~~ What a name... Huh! Excuuuuuuuuuuse the man! At least I have one okay~~ Anyways, been a long time since the last time I've posted something on. And there are loads of things have happened during that waiting period. I am pretty sure I've left quite a lot partially finished post which I have saved in some of the folders in my computer. I felt really bad not updating my blog as I was asked again and again by my friends to do it, but I still don't really get the reason why they wanted to read my blog.

Meeting new friends, long-lost friends, breaking up with friends. Urgh! What the heck! Time really changes everything, in a single freakin' flash! Done loads of activities, decided loads of decision. Wah! Jila lerrrrrr... I was 'facebook'ing the other day when I suddenly happened to hark back to my memories during the Raya the other day. Then, I called Fikri. Apparently, he is now in a progress of getting licenses (I just missed that guy so much!). Yes, licensES! He is taking motorbike's and a car's. Daummm... That must be freakin' expensive. I asked Yogi the other day how long does he took just to take his license, and he said it takes only a week or so back in Indonesia. See how much differs the Malaysian system compared to them Indonesian? Hish! Menyusahkan!
Talking about Malaysian system(which I don't think I should've), I might've gotten another POW when we talk about getting a Malaysian passport. Not the period, but the expenses. Oh Em Gee... No way man, you can get your FIRST passport for a price of up to RM600 . Yes, I'm getting a passport now that I still don't have one. And I was pretty astounded with that thing. Of course la shocked, I'm getting a passport with my own money. I don't really dare to ask for a money from my parents as they will certainly say that I'm going to cost them a lot after getting one. Oh Em Gee~~~ Dad, Mom... It's just Indonesia, Phillipines, Thailand, Singapore. It's not that I'm going to Europe or something.
Okay, enough of that. Sheesh! This is another thing that banged me up. Yesterday, Yogi and the others went to that Moto GP thingy in Sepang. I do want to go actually, but then I realized that I couldn't go because I'm a lazy bump! Hahaha.. No la, I'm saving my money worh~~ I don't really tell them about this because they'll say "Ndra, you don't lie lie arh... You go for a movie and shopping with us got money, but go Moto GP no money!". Hahaha, but yeah! not really my thang. They even called me several hours before they left for Sepang saying that Tetha (another Indonesian girl) couldn't make it, and the ticket's mine. It was around 7 or 8. And FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I went to sleep at 6 something. I was watching Slumdog Millionaire (which happens to be an amazing movie!) until 6, and can only get myself to rest at around 6 something something in the morning. So, sorry guys!
Did I bragged too much already? (Clicking the 'Preview' button). OK Lah, since I need to go for a class tomorrow, I wanna go sleep early lah... it's 2.00am now and I'm still awake. Anyways, you guys know, I am having some kind of trouble sleeping early la lately. I don't know why. I can only go to sleep at around 5 or 6 and what's worst, I'll be up around 8 or 9 and that's making my head upset. Shoot, did I need a therapy for this. And after getting up, I will usually stay lying down in my bed with things like ~~ASSignments, classes, experiments, cuti, ~~ linger in my head, with eyes closed of course, and saliva flowing out, and geez hell know what else coming out. Eww...
Eih, did I mentioned I'm going out already? Yeah, now I really am going. Eih, and you know what, I wanna get a car. I told mum about this before I flew back to KL and she said ok I'm gonna get one only if she says, I pursue my study here in HELP. (Why? It's a long story, you don't wanna know~) Eih, ok lah I'm going out... Be posting again tomorrow (fingers crossed~~)
Night Lovelies....

Stress = Tooth problem + Headache

2009-09-09T22:47:00.000-07:00

Few days ago, I got a very bad headache. A day before that, it was pretty light but then it gets heavier the the day after. The last time I had this sort of headache, was when I had migraine during my PMR examination in 2003. Couldn't stand the pain, I went to a clinic and the doctor said it was not a migraine nor sinus. There might be an infection in my tooth. So, before giving me the painkiller, antibiotic and a bactidol gargle fluid which tastes so bitter and costs me RM35 for the whole meds, she recommended me to meet a dentist.

The next day, after attending PSY105 class. I went back to Jalan Gasing and took a cab to NewTown Pj. There were loads of dental clinic there, but I was looking for one clinic that they said is very good, and a gentle soft-spoken dentist, that's an extra point for me. So after tired of walking and sweating all over my body, I finally found this clinic named WhiteZone Dental Clinic. T'was located like at the end of the world, plus I'm fasting (FYI). My first impression for this clinic was perfect, just by looking at the environment. So neat, that I feel like sleeping, and with the music grasped by my ears, no hurting noises and peaceful. Not long after that, I was called, the nurses were very nice as well as the doctor. After checking and taking a picture of my tooth, she said there was no infection at all. My tooth were all good, just some muscle problem. She said I was stressed!

I was like, "I'm what?? Stressed out? How does that linked to my tooth problem?".

She told me that, When I'm stressed out, I'll be clenching my tooth hard and that causes some sore to the muscle around my jaw. The muscle is linked to some nerves around my face and the disruption causes pain around my face. Fewwhh, now I get it.
After done with the doctor and paid the bill, I took the prescription from the doctor and took it up to some pharmacy in OldTown PJ, the meds name was Norgesic (Muscle Relaxant). Then, I went back and sleep.

Ramadhan... Memories never fade.

2009-09-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

"Indra, Indra bangun! Sahur.."

That was what I heard just now. It was my dad's voice. Can't believe it's Ramadhan again, this is what I was really looking forward to. Fasting month will always be my favorite month of all. I remember my most valued previous years in this month. I was so happy being with my friends.We go to 'surau' every night. We were capturing the best moments together. Not mentioning the Raya. But, Ramadhan left me loads of memories, best ones.
Now, everything has changed. People went on, and some passed on. Sometimes, remembering the best memories, makes me hurt inside. It’s because it brings up the memories I had with those people who has passed on, those people I love the most.
Last few weeks, I lost my grandmother. Which I could not believe, I was talking with her the night before she passed away. I still feel like crying when I start thinking about it. Hajah Rugayah binti Hasek was her name. Now Atuk feels lonely, he comes to our house almost everyday, maybe to kill his long for his deceased very much loved wife.
Then, a day after the Seven-Day mourning of my grandmother, an uncle passed away as well. And again, I was sitting reading Yassin beside him. Maybe God wants me to see it happen with my own eyes to show that He loves me and God wants me to know that He really cares for me. But I am still 100% certain that God loves them more. But, I'd rather see them like that, than seeing them suffer with their sickness.
It hurts ya know, celebrating some celebration without your loved ones. I used to imagine something like this, but I never thought that I could really step in to my own imagination to actually feel the pain I should have not supposed to feel.
Ramadhan month means a lot to me, because this month had carved and captured million memories of me with my family and friends, all sweet ones. Every puasa, we'll always be together. Everyone gathers up at Atuk's house and laugh at each other and the stories everyone is telling. I still remember everytime this month arrive, there we are, cousins and siblings stealing tins of Milo from my lovely nenek's shop and eat it at the back of her shop. Then, when we come back home the elders will always ask us whether we are still fasting or not. With brown stains of Milo left stucked on our tooth, together we say 'Yes'. Never to be forgotten!
And at night, the first generation of the Dahlan's grandchildren will gather up and discuss what activity will we be playing. Since we were a kid, we are all seriously into stories and cartoon like Detective Conan, and those Chinese-investigation series on TV2 every weekdays at 7.00pm. And so, with the influence of detective acts, every single one of us will try to find a torchlight. When everything is set, we'll line up and go to this hall next to my atuk's house. Pretending like there are some criminals inside the locked hall, we'll walk at a snail's pace. Slowly and 'sshh..'ing each other if anyone makes any rapid movement or even any sound at all. Hahaha.. Remembering everything moves me. I couldn't recall any appalling memories in this month. Those were the good ol' days. Never to be forgotten.
But now, everyone has grown up. Some of them don't even go back to our little beautiful kampung like they used to. Sometimes, they do but it seems like a day is more than enough for them to spend some precious minutes with the ones they used to consider as part of their lives. Everyone has grown up, maybe only some of us are picking up what's left of the memories that we're about to catch, a dream that's not present. And everyone has grown up. Now, cellphones are used instead of torchlights to self-entertain. Now, nightclubs are visited instead of the hall next to Atuk's house. And now, the first grandchildren of Dahlan's Family don't sleep with each other anymore. No more stealing Milo at Nenek's shop and no more smiling face waiting for us to reach there. No more gentle touch at our back. No more soothing voice articulated, no more "Ondu, naka'akan koh noh? Ongoi akan hilo'd walai om muli nogi"(*Honey,have you eaten? Go get something to eat at home before you go back). Now everything has changed. Totally changed, and I never consider it as a good thing. Never.

With a chance of fixing everything, to put back the last pieces of the puzzle. This Ramadhan Month opens our opportunity and heart to give what we used to give, and to say what we should have said before. Imparting love to each other, but everything comes back to the root, back to the most basic. You love, then you do. You don't, then doors open, no rules attached. Now, say 'love' to those you love the most, say 'I care' to those you really care, 'hug' the people you wanna hug. And 'spend time' with those you want to spend your time with. All before it's too late. May Allah bless everyone in this holy month. Happy Ramadhan Al-Mubarak.

Assalamualaikum W.B.T..........

Salam Ramadhan,
Indra.

In tribute to the ones we love who have passed on.

May Allah blessed the soul, and grant a place among those who have been blessed.

Sorry everyone.

2009-07-19T07:31:00.000-07:00

July 14 2009. The day I killed on of the noblest creatures. Today would be a day that I remember for a long long time. Almost 21 years living myself on earth, I wouldn’t even dare to kill a bug. I admit that did kill a bug, but that was not on purpose. I could sit for some time thinking that I killed a teeny-weeny organism

Around 3.15pm, I was awakened by the sound of my mom shrieking. She was screaming, calling my name asking me to kill him. I was surprised when she asks me to do it. I wonder what she has against him. Until now, I’m still in vague! I frantically got up and grabbed a knife. He was in front of me, and my brother was holding him hardly so that he couldn’t put an attempt to run. I took some time before I eventually put the knife on him and cut him in the neck. There was no sound, just a small squeal which followed by him collapse and die.

I was so frightened of what has happened, and I ran away. I prayed that God will forgive me. I swear I prayed in that very moment, and it goes like “God, I really don’t want to do this. But what can I do, should I obey to my mom and ignore you? Or disobey her and follow the Law of Mother Nature”.

For a while, I was shivering thinking what I’ve done, and what will happen soon. Suddenly I saw Grandpa, I shivered and I almost scream out to him as he actually cam there just minutes after the incident happens, and I knew he could stop everything!

I hugged my legs like a kid always does, I was afraid. Should I check myself in to the police station? Should I let myself be cuffed by them? What will they ask me? What will they do to me? Will I be prosecuted? I guess the nightmare of being bullied by those people in the prison will come to life, finally. Mom says “Calm down son, just give it a rest already”. But I just can’t!

I remember the program I watched on TV where people who murdered another being, will be hanged to death. In that case, I will prepare myself to leave my family, friends, but what I will most is my computer and two cell phones. I am so stressed out right now remembering the blood that came out from his neck.

Now, I am waiting for the real deal to come. To wait for my dad to come home and sit altogether with my family and surrounding the table, waiting for him to discuss the next step I should do. My brother left the house like nothing had happened, mom is cooking and Grandpa went home. I lie down on the sofa watching TV, at least that can ease myself down. I don’t want to think about where they put the body. However, I can’t get everything out of my mind now, I really can’t! How should I do that to a being lives in the same world as me. We walk with them, I saw them every single day and they live just in my backyard.

For years, I did not know that I would have the guts to actually do something like this; it goes against the Law of Mother Nature. And like before, I just couldn’t get the picture off of my mind.

Then again, when I gave it a second thought, everyone doesn’t give a sh*t if they do the same thing. I think I should do too. Starting from now on, I will try to live a brand new life. I will face everything that I am supposed to, for what I’ve done. I will face everything that I should. I hope this is not my last time to post something here. I will try my best to keep on letting everyone tracks on my activity in my prison life.

P/S: I want to apologize to his family

Sincerely,
Indra
(The guy who killed the chicken)

JPJ and a weirdo

2009-07-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

1st July, 2009. For the first time ever, I got summoned! hahaha! And the coolest thing was, I haven't even got my driving license yet!!! HAHAHA! But that was it, RM100 for not displaying the friggin' parking ticket in front of the car? Those people are ridiculous. I parked the car in front of the BSN Bank at OldTown just now, and while waiting for Ana to buy the heck I know, I went to the ATM Machine because I was planning to go RedBox with Lingga and the others today(I apparently didn't).
Khairi leaves for Australia today and it's 5 days to go before I go back to Sabah. I can't wait to see the view of Sabah up from the plane, Aunty Ati was about to buy me a ticket on Wednesday but I told her that dad already bought me one.

Geez, I got a story to tell. Ok first thing first, I told you guys that there's a mamak stall at the back of my house, right?. So, today after sending Ana off to school I was so hungry. So, I decided to go buy something to fill my empty stomach. Upon reaching the place, I straight away asked for a "Nasi Bungkus". After filling the rice with some lauk, I turned around and saw this Indian guy was looking at me in a really 'odd' way.
Seeing me turning around looking at him, he straight away asked me whether I need anything else and I said 'Yea', I said "Roti Kosong satu!". Then talking in a combination of God knows what, he approached his colleague and told him to make one for me(I guess). So, I advanced the distance between me and them at the counter to see how the guy makes my roti canai. I was facing the one that's making the roti canai and the 'weird' guy was facing me.
I don't mind being looked at, but please! His hand starts touching me. I was pretty surprised that he dares to touch me in front of all the customers! He at first put his hand on my abs, then started traveling to my belly. I took his hand off of me, but then when I did. He held my fingers in a 'DIFFERENT' way like he doesn't want to let go. It's like he's really keen on touching me! I just smiled but I was REALLY REALLY uncomfortable. I tried avoiding myself to be anywhere near him afterwards but there's nowhere else to go. So I went to the counter to pay my food then I stayed near the fridge so that I could put a little distance between us.
The cashier gave me the food and asked me to go to the Roti Canai counter to get my roti canai but I was pretty subdued because he's standing there beside the counter. The guy came back to me and took the plastic bag from me but I swear he gave me some kind of 'touch' to my hand before he took it. I thought I was paranoid but when my food is ready to be brought home, I tried taking the plastic bag myself on the counter.
But before I have the time to lay my hand on the plastic bag, he quickly grabbed it and wouldn't want to give it to me before I shake his hand. He shook my hand like he's pretty liberate to let go. Took like almost a minute to let the grasp go away and I tried letting go of it and eventually he did. I grabbed the plastic bag from him and walked out the door.
He was a weird man, even the first time they opened the restaurant, and the first time I saw the look in his eyes on me. I knew that something is 'wrong' but yea, people have different types of tang in their life. Not mentioning he gave me the 'main mata' thingy the other day. I was frightened by that. I seriously wouldn't want to give it much thought though. But, I just can't.
What I can say is, I am sorry if I am being so paranoid, unreasonable and so suspicious but if you're standing in my shoes now, you'll know that those moves he does, are questionable. Despite everything that happened, I'm sorry for those who are offended by the post.

Presentation Day. Six days to fly back home.

2009-06-29T23:51:00.000-07:00

I triggered my cousin’s anger at 1am today, sorry cuzzie but I need it for the presentation at 8am today. After setting up irritation in my cousin’s head, I went straight to bed and yea… I snored. At around 6.50pm aunty woke me up to get ready to send the girls to school. I wasn’t aware that it’s already 6.50pm but I managed to ask Daniel what time was it. When he said it’s 10 minutes before 7, I was like “GIRLS! COME ON! I GOT A PRESENTATION AT 8 FOR GOD’S SAKE!” so they did. Worried that I would be late (which I apparently did), I almost forgot the way to Linda’s school.

I stamped on the paddle rapidly so that I could reach their school as quick as I could, the traffic was fine but it was slow. I couldn’t remember much how long it took to send them all to school, not mentioning Ana’s as well. Then I reached home at 7.40 something and I prepared myself hastily.

There was a time when I grabbed my belt to put it on around my waist, and when I clicked it together, one of the buttons was gone. I do have another belt but I remembered my brother took it from me the other day when he’s going back to his house. I didn’t give much thought about that thing though. I remember I flung it away somewhere I couldn’t recall, and then got ready for college. I ran out of the house with my loosen jeans and with my Psych shirt to the bus stop. Of course it’s impossible for me to wait for a train because the time already shows that it’s almost eight, several more minutes and my turn to present my proposal.

I waited for like 10 minutes for a single cab to show up. I hopped on wishing that the road is smooth. When we left Pantai Dalam, suddenly I saw cars LINED UP like hell who knows… IT’S JAMMED!!!!! I don’t even have the nerve to look at the road; I closed my eyes and prayed that it would get better. Then suddenly the taxi driver turned the car to the left, right, left leeeeeeeeeeeeeeft, and to my astonishment, he managed to get me to Jalan Maarof and for those who don’t know where on earth is Jalan Maarof, it’s a road that is located almost to my college. I looked at the time, it’s 8.20am.

We reached college at around 8.25am and the fare was like RM8.10. I planned to give him the whole RM10 note because I was sooo late and thinking that waiting for the change would waste my time, but then I didn’t. I remember the advise from the elders . Nasihat ibubapa,”nak…kalau di tempat orang, belajar la berjimat yah” (supaya sampai Sabah ada duit pigi clubbing!) Nguah nguah nguah!!!.

I went in to the class, and Ms. Elaine gave me the ‘Haiye…’ face. “Sorry Elaine, just now I was….” Then she interrupted “I don’t wanna hear anything. You’re the last one to present.” Then OK lah… This Zimbabwean guy sat beside me (or I did? Hurmm…) he asked me where did I get the marking form, and I said it was from the course outline. He wanted to pinjam it and go photocopy so I said ok no prob. It was so tensed watching all the presentations from the candidates. I saw ‘multitasking’, ’platinum racquet’, “Greenest building on Earth” and so on *English pleeaaassseeee. Then when I think of mine, I remember ‘volunteer’, ‘psychologist’, ‘home’, ‘education’ silly words you can see painted on street walls. I guess I could’ve done better.

Then it was my turn. Some problems with my computer, I can’t connect to the LCD or is it, White screen board? I don’t even wanna remember. So The Zimbabwean went first, he presented his proposal in like 1minute and quarter. I tried cooling myself down, and there I was. Eyes were set on me~~ Woooooooo~~ Waaarrrghhh~~ Urggghh~~~ Na, I managed to recover my fear. I gave them a nice and comical start, and I was surprised that they really laugh on my weird act. I think I projected the loudest voice along the presentation.

“Good morning everyone, Mr. Bill Gates thank you so much for coming today. Fellow candidates. My name is blab la blab, 20 years old and from Sabah. I am currently studying in HUC taking bachelor of blab la blab…”.“Because education nowadays, Erm (giving the ‘hish!’ expression) important!”, “I don’t wanna talk about why should you pick me, because I am representing the world, not myself”. “I don’t wanna be like someone who’s watching Bersamamu and say uh, I hope I can do something to help! And then went back to sleep, snore” and again, THEY LAUGHED!

Then the moment of truth comes, Q&A session! Damn it, I’ve always hated this session since FOREVER! But then, questions only came from one guy. I managed to cut the question and tried answering it before he actually finishes off his question. All his 3 questions were answered directly without any ‘urm…,’ ‘Err…,’ ’Urghh..wait’. Damn I am so good in making up spontaneous answers *though it’s not accurately accurate LOL!. Hahaha! Sorry dude! But Chika, I managed to retrieve your dignity! LOL! Apparently, it was the same guy that asked Chika so many questions the other day and I made him look bad, oh what a bitchy *excuse the language act.

After I’m done with the presentation, and forgetting to thank the guy that lent me his computer (sorry, and thank you so much!), I went to my seat. One guy approached me and asked my help to do a review about something, I forgot! It took me around 10minutes to finish it up. After it’s done, he took it back from me and thanked me. Then what surprises me was, before he left he said “awesome presentation, man!” And I was like, “Err… Thanks I guess” then after that, I ran to the campus bus station to wait for the bus going to the main block. I hopped on and sat on the first row. Another guy came up to me again and said “hey, great presentation!” and again, I was… quiet and I looked at him. “Dude, it was a one-night-crammed work” and then the conversation keeps on going.

Ouh yea I forgot to mention my aunty. Aweyn and Nadia’s mom and Cikgu Asnah were here since yesterday. After getting off of the plane, they and aunty Ati went straight to Nilai and PKNS to buy some shawls and etc(had to include that) because I saw that they have 4 luggage full of fabrics. Shirts, Baju Kurungs, scarves, ouhh and I don’t what else they stuffed in those baggages. They left the house to the airport before I even reach the house. May God be with them along the way.

After everything’s tidied up, I and aunty were so exhausted and plain weak that we don’t even have the intensity to lift our butt up on the chair. We were so tired! It’s now 2.34pm; I’ll try to post something up later tonight. Maybe something will happen today, not hoping, just a feeling

The Slides

P/S: My dad sent me the itinerary of my flight. Six days to go, and Sabah here I commmeee!!!

Nanny diaries, Payday and Aweyn leaves for T'Ganu

2009-06-22T07:36:00.000-07:00

Monday, June 21 2009
I properly sit myself down to the other side of the field, facing the playground. Lotsa thing keep crossing my mind. It all started when I was thinking about the car that I use to drive these kids to the playground, the question goes like "did I parked the car properly?" then I sighed. Then, when I placed myself to where I was then, I decided to call a friend of mine, Boy. Yesterday, Boy gave me a missed call. That's what he always do when he needs to call somebody, notifying the people in the other side that he needs to talk which leads him to be the one that gets a call. I used to be the victim of that cleverness. Last night we talked for almost half an hour and eventually I killed my credit, Geez! I'm feeling mixed up. I was shocked but at the same time I'm glad cuz it happened perfectly in time! I don't wanna say that it's a bad thing but sometimes it irritates me that people would give missed calls wishing to be called back. But noooo... the story stops there.
I was sitting and playing the greatest game ever existed, tetris(!) when I realized that a lot of people are jogging. People are running, walking, playing and skateboarding. All of a sudden, it comes me, the last time I worked out was when I was still in Sabah! I couldn't believe that I am EXTREMELY lethargic to even stretch my muscles. But what surprises me is that, my body is losing its weight, not vice versa (mcm c Aweyn...ngah ngah ngah). I can't believe I actually bear with hunger everyday.
Anyways, didn't do much today. At first, I was struggling to push myself to go sit in front of the computer to start outlining my presentation next week. But then I was too occupied surfing and clicking the Yes and No button on Tagged. I don't feel like doing the presentation.
I didn't go to college as I was so lazy and also because I knew that it's a presentation day. Doesn't matter if I go or not. Its the day I begun my babysitting experience.

Tuesday, June 22 2009.
I woke up. Went upstairs just to find that the kids are still sleeping. They slept at the girls' room, but can barely see anyone there. Bet Ana is sleeping in uncle's room. I said to myself while heading to uncle's room "Hurm,now I can go and get ready for my claa...SHOOT! Where is everyone! Sya mau p class, sepa jaga budak2 nih!? Astagaa..~". Darn it, seems like I need to skip another class. DAMN DAMN DAMN! It's the time when I am reeeaaaaally eager to go for a class, and this sh*t happened!
So, canceled my plan. Got few plans for today, but but buttt....ARRGHHH!! calm down Indra, calm down....
=(.... =|....... :|...............:-}................................. : )
So, all I did today was just handling the kids. But thank God Farid's still here. He kindly went out to buy something for the kids, as a breakfast. But I'm the one who made them milks, bath them, asked them to sleep, kick 'em, whack 'em, smackdown, trampled 'em...weih weih weih...what do you think I am? An animal???
I was actually really surprised that I can actually handle those kids which the first time I came here, was with them and was about to kick them in the ass for putting me in to a misery. Everyday is like hell for me. Still remember one of them teared my toothpaste off and glued it all over the wall. And I once said to myself, "God, if you help me to be patient I'll spend you a Coffee Jelly Frappuccino at Starbucks". And here I am now, feels like the King Of The World! Woot woot!

Wednesday, June 23 2009.
I am happy to know that aunty's coming back today. I didn't go for class today becaaause... Well, I don't have one on wednesdays. I waited since morning, she said she'll be flying back to KL in the morning. And guess what, after waiting for hours she finally arrived at around 5pm. Shook her hand and went back downstairs to do what I was doing, SLEEPING! I was called few minutes later and they were asking whether I wanna go to the Mamak Stall at the back together with them or not. I said no, and they hung up. Then, I was called again to get my Nasi Goreng Ayam upstairs which actually tastes nothing like one! Tastes like...nothing!
So that's all for today.

Thursday, June 24 2009
Nothing much happened today, I went for class and...well, settle some stuff.
I went to the post office at PBD which I barely go to. And.......went back, sleep yada yada yadaa..~
Nite Thursday!
Ouh ouh, and uncle is coming back today! The last time before Khairi's leaving for Australia.

Friday, June 25 2009
Today I wasn't planning to do anything, just waiting the time to go take my pay at HOUSE+Co at 4pm until around afternoon when I got a call from Angie asking me whether I wanna go have lunch with her or not. I agreed and went out, took a train to Kelana Jaya and she fetched me up there. We were talking then decided to go to HOUSE+Co. Beside, I planned to go there after I had lunch with her, so we did. I had MHK and Pineapple Juice, and Angie had NLC BST and Grape Juice. If you're wondering what those MHK and NLC BST mean, let me tell you, it's actually some of the abbreviations that we used to write on the order chit. MHK stands for Mee Hoon Kerabu, NLC BST stands for Nasi Lemak Chicken Breast. LOL! I didn't finish mine but Angie did hers. I was pretty full cuz we were talking like non-stop! After paying for the foods, we went downstairs to buy a present for her friend. She invited me to go along with them but I refused, her friend is a Persian guy so there'll be alot of things that I would not understand, in terms of cultural, and lifestyle. So not me!
And then, we went to Aly's place. And wasting some time there talking and then checking out new gossips on GutterUncensored.com which I don't know that such site exists.
We leave Aly's place at around 7.40pm and she sent me to the LRT station, went to KL Sentral to bank my money in (Dusss...dapat gaji pertama dr HOUSE+Co pun mau kecoh!) and I went straight back home.

Saturday, June 26 2009
I stayed in my room since morning till night, without going out!
See, bear with your hunger Indra! Bear with it! Kotohhhhhhhhhhhh..~~~
But, in the night uncle brought us out to have dinner at around Kelana Jaya. It's at Fatty's Crab, seafood seafood seafooooodddd...not!
Wasn't that hungry after all.
When we went home, Khairi asked me whether we want to go to his friends' place to get some 'kebahagiaan' time. Me, Farid and Pija turned it down and computer here I am!

Sms Sms Sms!! It's Aweyn... She already landed at the airport in Terengganu.
Be cool Aweyn, I promise I'll come there. But not in the nearest time. She sounds like she's having some kind of flu when I called her, I knew that she cried. She just loves her mom so much that she can't leave her. She'll be missed by the family, that's for sure.
I'm sure Nadia will also miss her so much that she'll be crying in her room every night, no more denial Nadia, you love your sister!
All the best handling yourself there Weyn! Love ya cuz!

Sunday, June 27 2009
Online until morning. I know it's freakin' early to say this but I am really eager to book a ticket for raya.
ahahhaa! and I already did! I booked a ticket going back on September 15th 2009! exactly FIVE days before raya! Yeay!
We had an Western+Eastern kinda breakfast this morning. I ate two plates of Nasi Lemak.....and the day continues.....................

Kelmarin...

2009-06-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

I killed my dream time last night by mugging up with my group assignment. I was sitting on the chair facing the screen of my computer blankly with my hand moving the mouse and clicking on unknown buttons since evening after I got up from my sleep (was so sleepy!). I knew that I need to start doing my work but then, my head was pretty distractible. Say sorry to God now son!
I was on the chair since 7 but just started doing the work at 12am. Chika kept calling me asking me whether I already finish my part or not. I lied to him a little though :P~ sorry Chix(puppy face). Anyways, After spending three nights at Yogi's, and getting few text messages from Linda asking me when am I gonna come home, I finally decided to go home.
Kal and Jordan were there when I finished packing all my stuff. I released the awkwardness with some conversations I invented myself and eventually managed to get Lingga to be the centre of attention :P~ sorry to Lingga too (banyak sda dosa sya). Kal, Jordan and Yogi just got back from some badminton tournament which I never go to. It's not that I don't play games, but I don't feel like taking my time mixing something that I am familiar with something that I am not, and no I'm not talking about the people but the place.

I took the RapidKL T634 to Bangsar LRT Station and decided to go KL Sentral first instead of going home straight away which a loner would certainly do. When I reached there, there were some new booths that were situated in the middle of the building (Ppfrttt.. like I know it's the centre). One I saw was a booth for a fiesta called Pesta Malam Indonesia (I guess~) Some tables were arranged and names like Sheila On 7, Gigi and some more were sticked in front of the table. But the artists were not there yet.
I don't feel like staying there, I dragged myself up to the food court upstairs and ordered a Nasi Goreng Black Pepper, my favorite! Then Air Sirap. I munched everything to the end till the last bit without looking around cuz I am sure that time I was VERY HUNGRY!(cheh, every 5 minutes oso feels like that mahh~~) I finished my Air Sirap and walked out of the court. Insert a RM1 note to the KTM ticket machine and by accident the train was actually there! The escalator was damn slow so I decided to run together with my 100KG shoulder bag and laptop case while saying "Sorry, sorry, excuse me, excuse me..." to all the people that were standing on my path.
Everyone was looking at me, but I told myself that I look gorgeous on that day and that's the reason why they set those stares on me. Trus bilang aku meng'encourage' kunun diri aku..."Ah, peduli apa! memang sya hensem" bilang dlm hati... Tapi dalam otak, trus ada jua tpikir manatau zip sya tbuka tp nda jua sya meninguk, malas suda kan.
Made it home, and took a bath. Perform my prayer, switch on my computer and let the solo piano play by itself and then I slept like baby. Woke up at around 6pm or 7pm, shower and performed my prayer. Lied to Chika then continue doing my assignment at around 12, finished at around 2am and went to bed at 3am. ulang story kan?

P/S: Father's Day Mood.( June 21st 2009 kan???)

Me, coffees, friends.

2009-06-18T20:06:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was out with my friends. It was around 12am when Cheah asked me whether I wanna go out or not. I said yes and asked Alicia to come along. Then, comes Lingga. He actually was really occupied with transferring all the files he has in his external hard disk into my computer as his was “admitted to hospital” due to a “bluescreen disease”. He was asked to back all his file up to another hardware so that when the guy re-format his computer, there will be no “Ala…fail-fail gw smuanya ilang…Gmana nih,videonya gw yg freerunning ama si Danar smuanya udh mampus.Aduh, anjrid banget”. I forgot to tell y’all that this guy is obsessed with ‘free-running’. He owns a severe injury due to jumping off from a 5-feet divider and because of that he has to run an operation. Not mentioning his very best friend, Danar broken his arm BECAUSE OF ‘PARKOUR’!
Gosh, I slipped off of the path!! Okayyy…Back to story,
So me, Cheah, Aly and Lingga went out. Cheah said we should go to Chawan at Bangsar Village first and if it is close, then we go somewhere else, so we did. When we reached there, it was still open. Apparently it opens until 1am. Not much time left, but it’s okay though. Then we took our seats and a guy gave us four sets of menu. Wow, I didn’t know that all the city here in Malaysia has its own original coffee! I was not really sure what Cheah and Lingga ordered but I sip the same drink as Aly’s, Cold Kopi Muar 434 (or 343). It was bitter, but the sweetness comes at the end of the tongue.
Aly and Cheah told me some edifying information about coffees that I have never knew. Differences and stuff. They even told me the differences between Chinese, India, and Malay Tea. I remember when Aly said “You can taste the sweetness first, then the bitterness. That’s Malay Tea.” Then, “Chinese Tea is kinda like a war, it goes the other way around. Bitterness first and then comes the sweetness” (cool,eh?) but I am not really sure about Indian tea (apologiiiieeeeeeeesss…) , but I think I remember she said that it is really bitter. But nothing can compare with the bitterness of the Arabic’s. No sweetness at all, it’s like you’re drinking up a pen’s ink. Yucks!
The conversation went and flowed away with the time, which we did not realize. We laughed and spilled our saliva like no one was around. I did not even look at the time which I usually do when I’m around people. The very last topic we talked about was our experiences during high school years. Now I know that Aly and Cheah actually attended the same school. Good for them, they know each other well enough now. And the weirdest thing was, I happened to tell my own experiences when I was still a kid as well LOL.
Then out of nowhere, a guy came and told us that they’re closing. Tonight, their drinks are on me. Cheah sent us home then he went back. I went upstairs to room (Lingga and Yogi’s room), getting ready to do my assignment, but no. I fell asleep, maybe I was too tired of walking from MidValley, College, then LowYat then went out to get something to drink again. (Fewh, I went all out today!) But that’s fine. Lingga’s voice bites my ears, bothering my drenching-into-a-dream session. I fell asleep, and the time stops there, eventually. I took my time.

P/S: I and Lingga had a Nasi Goreng with Egg for only RM3.50 at BUKIT BINTANG!!!

the second day there...

2009-05-27T09:06:00.000-07:00

"I ALREADY SAID IT CLEARLY AND SLOWLY, BUT HE STILL CAN'T HEAR IT??"

That was what the regular costumer House + Co. and which was my first customer said to my colleague when I started working there yesterday.

I was really scared and nervous, not because I can't do it or anything but because those customers are extremely high-maintenance and their standard was pretty high for me to even touch. Datuk Seri Ong Kah Ting, and Datin Seri Hasmah were among the people that we served yesterday. This cafe is seriously not where I belong. I used to work in a pub, and it went fine. The only reason I quit from being a waiter there is because I was too tired struggling every night to cram my eyes up from 8pm - 5am, and the pay doesn't worth it, it was only around rm200.00. *pathetic! Imagine working all night long and a night you will only get rm1.00 per hour. That's slavery! So, I decided to stop working and went back to Ranau and prepare everything to pursue my study.

I am now in HELP University College. This semester is a short semester which has only 7 weeks of lecture including the final. So, I decided to look for a job. I got it on my first day of lecture when I met Muthi, she said that she's already working and I said I wanted to join too and everything starts there.
Then the next week, I went to House + Co. (the place Muthi mentioned) in Bangsar Shopping Center together with Lingga. Then, we were interviewed by the big boss (Pauline) and she then said straight away that we can start working immediately.
I came the very next day and started working from 10.00am - 7.00pm. My first day was a heck of a disaster. Luckily, I got friends that are supportive enough to back me up when anything bad happens.
So far, I already know Kak Miza, Irwan, Yati, Yuriko, Zamani, Khairul, Felix, Sartono, Keat, Ferdy, Nidi, Muthi and the big lady boss Pauline. There are some that I haven't met. Today's my second day and it's getting better (thank God!!) everyone seems to be very good to me. Only some that are not familiar with me, but I tried talking to them and so far they replied to me pretty good.
GEEZ! I'm tired and sleepy! Tomorrow's gonna be a loooooooooong long day... Class from 8.ooam - 10,00am then start working at 10.30am, until night.
I hope that tomorrow I can start being a little more detailed at taking orders and foods. So, wish me luck guys!

Previously in Indra's Life...

2009-05-18T20:24:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in the computer laboratory at Level 9 HELP Campus. Sitting, typing spontaneously and wondering whether there is any chance of my life would turn to a different side (to a better life). But I guess life will never change to how we wanted it to be unless we really work on it. Talking about life from my point of view, from the age of as early as 10, we are the one who will be going to change our life which others invented before that. Stressful as it seems, we need to deal with it. Because we are who we are, and we'll go to the world we ourselves invented as we grow up. Talking about stresses, yesterday I was on-line and was talking to my lil brother's girlfriend, Nathalia. We were talking about the fun days we had during my break last semester when she brought up something that I never knew she is struggling with. Family problem was not an easy thing to cope with, despite the thing that you are still as young as she is. Bringing up the matter to me made her confessing and telling all about the so-called picture perfect that people have seen since before to their family. She's got a problem with her study. Well, I decided to challenge her and she agreed. And now, I want to OFFICIALLY state here that:

If Natha fails on her SPM Exam... The people she loves the most in my family especially Aweyn and Didi, will not be talking to her anymore. And I will not allow her to keep in touch with her boyfriend or anyone in my family anymore. THAT'S THAT!

Now, let's talk about how my new semester started. Last Monday was the first day I went back to the campus. Well as we know, the feeling of going back to that old place is kinda like the feeling of watching news on the tv...BORING! I met Chika and I would like to acknowledge him as well for being good to me, coz he helped me enrol for my subjects this semester *ngahahahaaa~~ thanx Chix. Well, Didn't do anything yesterday, just thinking of the result of my previous sem. My hand was shaking when I tried to put the cursor and click on the SUBJECT GRADES button. I partially closed my eyes after I clicked the button. I waited and waited and waited.....then, OMG OMG OMG... I Can't believe I passed!!! Well, no sweat anymore and I should tell my parents about this. But, I wouldnt be so sure of telling them about my result because I knew that the result is unofficial yet. But, today when I met Jashpreet, and she said that it is an OFFICIAL grade so I decided to just text my parents to tell them that I passed the semester. My dad replied and he's happy to hear that from me. Now, he's pretty relieved when he knows that my study is getting better and better every semester. Well now, i should go out now. Chika is waiting for me at the DSA despite the wait he did this morning when I was late coming to Ms. Elaine's class LOL. He's sleeping at the DSA but nevermind, I can still play the game I installed on my phone. Bounce, Tetris, Sudoku and all...*Duhh..What am I rambling about... Ok, i'll be writing more tonight. See Ya!

The Story about Love and Happiness

2009-05-15T06:44:00.001-07:00

I got up at 7 am today when my mom shouted out my name. She was on her way out to the hospital, to get some checking on her operation wound.
I came back from Nadia's house at almost 2.00am last nite, and I stayed up a little bit longer while watching the Latah episod of Macam2 Aznil (i know..i know....sshhh~~).
After I got back from Friday prayer, I put myself back to the couch. I got a slight headache due to lack of sleep last nite (like that never happen before~). And I slept until around 6.00pm.
Then, after performing my Maghrib prayer, I went straight away to the kitchen joining my mom having dinner. Then, I told him about my friend that just got married today.
She was pretty surprised that a friend of mine which I have been in the same school with for some times already got married now. Some more, he's in my age too.
And then, my mom starts telling me her so-called love-story with my dad.
Me, mom and dad were sitting around the dining table and was laughing at everything we can as everyone knows that I am about to go back to KL this Sunday. I was giggling as my dad continues the story.
The story between those two people was pretty romantic, kinda blur but still romantic. LOL!
Till now, whenever I look at them, I can see the love that is in the air.
But sometimes I feel jealous realizing that my mom would not prepare our dinner if my dad is not at home. That makes me a little bit disappointed but then it's ok. At least, I still know that she loves us.
I listened to them till we finished eating. My dad told me also the story about his colleague's father that actually believed that the fights in all the Indian Movies are real!
He even said, "It's very rare for us to see a guy that is able to fight with a bunch of men alone!", Don't tell me you wouldn't say weirdo to this guy! hahaha!
Anyway, there is something that keeps crossing by my mind these days.
I'm 20 years old now. What will I see in me in several years ahead?
I still need to see what life has to offer despite of what I've seen so far. I don't want to know how life goes through the eyes of others, but mine. And now I am in the right track of acheiving it.
But, in spite of the effort that I have been giving, it's useless because it's still not enough.
I need a motivation to keep on moving, and I need help to make me encouraged to go on.
But how? Seeing other people having the advantage of making the right decision, while me still clinging up to what I know and believe making me envious of them. Coz' the problem when I stick to what I know and believe is that, it's always gonna be a wrong move, I mean...ALWAYS!
But, I can conclude that regardless the wrong move I made, I am still having fun in my life though it's not satisfying as a success in study or whatsoever.
The bottomline is, love and happiness in ones self are always going to be the key to a great life.

P/S : So keep up the smile on your face!

Mother's Day to Remember..

2009-05-10T19:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was fine, great actually. As we all know, yesterday the world celebrated Mother's Day. At the same time, mom is discharged from hospital. I was anxious to see her again but then a bit concerned because I need to think of something that I can do or give in sync of her coming back as well as a gift for a Mother's Day Celebration. Geez, I need to find an idea immediately before mom and dad got home.
I woke up at 9.00 am then arranged the house, wash dishes and the laundries. Everything was plain till the idea of buying something to cook popped out from my head. Because I was too hungry also, I went out and drove my dad's Suzuki 4WD off to the nearest mart. I bought a pre-made drink as well as my favorite dessert apart from Ice-Cream, Mung Beansssss!!!!
My plan was actually just to make the house really looked arranged so that my mom would not get pissed off when she sees the house pretty arranged. I didn't plan to cook the Mung Beans for her until Nadia texted me asking what do I give my mom as a Mother's Day gift, then I saw the Mung Beans that I bought, as I was short of credit I told Aweyn to tell Nadia that I'll be cooking Mung Beans which I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO COOK for her.
I went to my neighbour's backyard to pluck some pandan leaves. Due to lack of knowledge of how to make the Mung Beans Porridge, I even googled it and found some recipes of how to make the porridge. I even look for the how-to-dos on YouTube and yeah, I'm serious!. Eventually, I managed to find some sites that were very useful especially the video on YouTube.
Then I start...

The Method
The experimenter is asked to wash the beans before asking them to put it into a pot. After it is ready, the fire is lighted in a very very low condition. Second, put the pandan leaves inside the pot together with the beans. Close the pot with the cover and wait for several minutes. After a while and the bean seemed to be fattened up, the experimenter put the sago into the pot mixed with the bean and pandan leaves.
After it is cooked, 2 cups of milk (santan also can~~) are poured into the mixture. Stir it a bit and then Voila! the aroma grasps through the whole cooking space.

My parents were already home when I finished the porridge. My mom went directly to bed and took a nap, I saw the stitches near her ear, pretty scary but still ok lar~~ not really serious, and the wool was sticked in her ear to prevent the blood getting out from her ear as well as noises that would damage her hearing capability. choiii~~ bahasa..biga!
I waited until she got up, and when she did, she came in to the kitchen and watched the video that I was watching. (yea, I brought the computer in the kitchen!) I stood up and then got her some of the porridge for her to sip up. I gave it to her and wished her a very Happy Mother's Day. She laughs but I know she was touched : ).
"Asadap ne daa ti bubur kacang nu det au neh kogutan" *this porridge would tastes very good if it's not overcooked but she still smiles. I can see the appreciation that presents on her face. : ). Love You Mum!
Then, Aunty Oash called us to go to Grandma's house, there was makan-makan there. I put some of the porridge into a container and brought it to their house. I shook all the women's hand there. Aunty Ati, Aunty Asmah, Nenek, Nenek Ngai, and last but not least Aunty Oash. They all tried my Mung Bean Porridge and everyone seems to enjoy it though there was some constructive comments pushed toward me (again, it's the overcooked thingy!). LOL~! But I am really happy that I managed to give all my Aunties and Grandmas sips of my Mung Bean Porridge. At least I showed them how much I love them as part of the family, and as a way to show my appreciation during Mother's Day although the porridge was pretty overcooked.
I had a good time there laughing with Nadia, Aweyn and the kids. Before I go home, I took some picture with my grandmas. I love them, I mean A LOT!!! Then after I got home and had a quality time watching tv with my parents, I went out to Nadia's house until 12.ooam something. I went to pekan to go jalan-jalan then went straight home. That was what I did on Mother's Day on May 10th 2009. : )

Quote: Showing your love to your mom doesn't mean you have to buy them shoes, handphones,
a car, or even a house. This is my first time making Mung Bean porridge. before, I only
tasted the porridge out of my mom's effort, and this time by just giving her time to relax
and showing her how a son or a daughter should behave towards their parent, is enough to
make them feel like they have successfully taught their children well, behaviorally.

Evening Session at Nadia's house

2009-05-08T02:41:00.000-07:00

Like what I said, it's the evening session at Nadia's house. Me and Atai were quite bored when the idea of visiting Nadia popped out of Atai's dying brain (LOL). As a matter of fact, since last night Nadia asked me to pick her up at the taxi terminal today, I agreed but then when she arrived here, she waited for more than 2 hours at town but I didn't come *haha, sorry...

We were sitting and talking at Yuna Cafe regarding accidents, then we called Nadia to tell her that we're coming. Ouh ya I forgot, today is Atai's birthday. I forgot to wish him Happy Birthday last night. So, I spared my money to buy drinks for him. First, we went to Ice Cool then drove off to Yuna Cafe and the cost, RM free-for-him-but-all-on-me. And now, I would like to sing him a birthday song, that's the least I can do lah, kan Atai? (sorou la~~daripada teda)

Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to Mexwell Aldo Adnan
Happy Birthday to you...

Today my dad used the Kancil to visit mom at the hospital, she was admitted to the hospital since two days ago because she needs to run an operation on her ear *fingers crossed. So, I used the Ninja that dad always use. It was pretty hard because I'm not used to drive a car as big as this one but what can I do, I'll be suffering from mental illnesses if I stay at home for the whole day anyway. So I went out and grabbed Atai from his house, his dad looked pretty fierce as that was the first time I talked to him. But everything's cool eventually.

I'm still gonna give a second thought about going out tonight as I'm scared of driving the big car at night, I'm still not used to it. Maybe I should just stay at home and look after my brother and the house, FYI the village is still covered with the rumors about the house break-ins that still happening here. Hurmm...

Online....Online....Online.... That's all I can do for the time being.

P/S: I'm worried about my result for this semester. I hope I did good.

Ranau~ and the story continues....

2009-05-07T05:37:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since the last time I posted something on my blog. I'm sitting here at the cafe where Fikri and Saufi are working, the place is called Yuna Cafe. Well, for the first time since I came back to Ranau on 24th April, I wanna post something that I can remember.

As a matter of fact, I shouldn't even be coming back to Sabah this break due to some problems. But then, my mom called the other day and asked me whether I want to go back or not, I said "It's O.K, I can still cope with my life here for a period of time" and she said O.K so I thought the story ends there. But then a day after that my dad called, asking me the same thing but this time he said something that makes me really eager to pack all my shirts in. "O.K, let me see whether the ticket back to Sabah is still available at this time", then he hung up. I admit that I was anxiously waiting for a call from him because I really wanna go back but still, I can't just ask something that is hard for us to get, and I prayed.

Minutes after that a sms arrived stating the time and date of the flight, the flight was the next day! And you should know how it feels like when something you wish for is served in front of your eyes FOC. I was at Yogi's home at that time, because I promised with him and Nina to stay over at his home for at least a night because he's feeling so lonely without Lingga. So, I shouted happily and they were like "loe knapa ndra?", and I laughed.

Ouh ya, talking about Ranau. My boredom here in Ranau is like the best boredom in the whole world! I posted a status message saying the same thing there on Facebook. I even posted a status message about foods that I can get here in Ranau, and Yatt commented enviously *haha on it. Yesterday Fik, Atai (pix are posted below) and me went to Kota Kinabalu to send Atai's lil sister to the taxi terminal near Padang Merdeka. When Nadia found out that we went there without telling her, she switched off her phone (I guess she was angry! hehehe...sorry bha Nadiaaaaa~~). Then we went to Karamunsing, Centrepoint, 1Borneo and lastly to Anjung Selera. I had a great time with them all, and we laughed a lot. We reached home at almost 12a.m and then, I took a shower and slept on the sofa where I always sleep since the first time I got back from KL.

Fikri

Atai

kisah tentang 7-Eleven

2009-04-10T20:39:00.000-07:00

Kamu tau ka knpa sya letak ni logo 7-11 sini...? ada cerita bha..dingar ahh..
ada satu benda pelik bha yang selalu jadi sama sya.

Setiap kali sya tengok jam di henfon sya kan, selalu dia tunjuk 7:11 tau!

tiap pagi, tiap petang, kalo sya mau tengok jam, mesti pukul 7:11.

Dan apa yang lagi pelik ialah, sya lahir pada 7 November (7.11) juga. Then, utk pengetahuan kamu juga kan, sya ni jenis org yang suka meninguk plat number kereta org bha *walaupun sa teda kereta(jan la ba kamu ktawa!). Jadi, tiap2 kali sya on the way p kelas, nah! d sana la mata meliar meninguk number plat kereta org. Tus tu, tiap2 ari mesti sya nampak kereta yang ada gabungan number 7 sma 11. Pastu kan ada lagi, masa d kampus kmarin, sya nampak number plat tu kereta, 1711. Pastu lagi kan, kmarin ada leh sya nmpk status msg kawan sya d fesbuk, kwn dia post blog pasal dia jam 7:11...gila kan? eh menarik,bukan kahhhh???

Missing-Everything Moment

2009-04-01T09:09:00.000-07:00

Hari ni sya rasa sentimental betul.
Mau juga sya ckp sya nyesal dtg kL sambung study.
Bagus lg sya study d Sabah ja.
Tp,nda tau bha sebenarnya apa masalah sya ni. Sya pun tertanya-tanya, smua
benda ni dari sya sendiri ka? Sya se ndiri ka yang cari ni masalah? Hurmm...
Tapi, sya suda cuba bha. Sya suda cuba jadi anak, adik, abang, sepupu, boyfriend ngan kawan yang baik.
Tapi apa sya boleh buat?
Sya x boleh fokus semua benda sekaligus, sya harap semua faham la.
Serius sya cakap, sya tertekan.
Sangat-sangat tertekan, nasib baik sya ada kawan yang sekurang-kurangnya dengar
masalah sya.
c Yati, walaupun dia di Indonesia, selalu sya curhat sama dia.
C Nadia, love you cuz. Thanx for everything.
Terima kasih la sma siapa-siapa yang pernah bantu sya,
yang pernah sya kasi sakit, sya betul-betul minta maaf.
Sya perlu ruang sekarang ni. Saya harap kamu faham
Tapi nda apa la, adat hidup. Kadang-kadang langit mendung, kadang-kadang cerah.
Sya suda la BANYAK ASSIGNMENT.
FINAL EXAM pula nda sampai dua minggu lagi.
Tekanan macam ni lagi yang datang, hurm. Nda apa la...Apa-apa pun, sekali lagi sya mau cakap, Sya minta maaf betul-betul dengan siapa-siapa yang sya pernah buat silap.

P/S :
1. I miss my mom
2. I miss my dad

3. I miss my brothers

4. I miss my cousins (Nadia, Pija, Aweyn...semua la..)
5. I miss my Canon, Jajai, Connie sma Jiji
6. I miss my nenek
7. I miss my atuk
8. I miss my family
9. I miss my pillows
10. I miss friends
11. I miss Ranau

Tonight I wanna Cry - Keith Urban

MUSIC = MEDICATION

2009-03-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

Masa di RedBox, Sunway Pyramid.

Di Kampus bha ni..

Di Redbox, Sunway Pyramid juga nih..

Above are some of the pictures that symbolize me as a music-maniac. Well not really, though it's not as hardcore as it supposed to be. But, some will be posted on soon enough. Don't worry cuz world seems to be giving me chances to still keep going and holding on to what I love.

Well, this is my passion. I love music, yea I do.. I really do!
I've been to a lot of stages in my life. I act, I talk, and I sing too.
Well... Music for me is like, a medication. It helps me to calm myself down,
A remedy to bend my strains.

I am really grateful to have been born in a musical-background family. My dad sings(REALLY!), my mom sings(REALLY REALLY!), my older brother has his own band and he's great in Guitar(REALLY!), and my little brother won The Best Vocalist while singing with his band(SERIOUSLY!). My uncles sing, my aunties sing, I have cousins who sing(THIS IS REAL!!) and OMG! I have friends who sing(SERIOUSLY SERIOUS!).But all in all, I'm still the music-maniac in the family. Can't live without music.

My new assignment! (Will meet Dr. Suguna later to check)

2009-03-23T18:32:00.001-07:00

We have received a brand new assignment by the new Canadian lecturer, Dr.Suguna Logan.
At HELP Univ. Coll., we were acquainted by new assignments during tutorial.
Lourdes (Sabahan colleague at HELP) notified me earlier about this assignment
but I couldn't have much time to look at it. So, when I go to the tutorial, everyone
was so anxious to know what Ng Siew Li(she's a hottie tutor) has along her sleeve.
And then, the class became so noisy when Siew Li told us about the new assignment.
Guess why? Because the Abnormal Psychology lecturer
wants us to explain the terms "Mental Disorder" through POETRY! omg omg omg!
I don't know why people was so overrated with this stuff,
I am a guy, and I have a sentimental value growing up in me. I don't mind writing a poem,
so why would you?
So, after delaying a week to touch on the topic, last night I started doing the assignment.
And today, I would like to share something that I have not shared with anyone before (actually I did, I have had the opportunity of posting two poems in my previous school magazine a few years back!)
I have not figure out the title yet, maybe you guys should help me;

How do I live?

I sat, laugh

I smiled, sometimes down

Can’t anyone see?

Senses I feel, images I saw

All in my mind, all in one

I was once contented,

I was once on cloud nine,

But not now,

All gone,

Departed somewhere, gone with the winds

Then again,

I still smile, more arises

How do I live?

Do you see me?

I’m here,

Do you still see me?

Here, near the trashcan

Lying down,

On a hard rock mattresses,

Cozy pillows,

Those which you call trashes, on cement covered by boxes

This is my place,

Yes, I befriended with mice,

Yes, I listen to a song sung by those creepy crawlies

But when I talk, they listen,

At least they do to me, then again I smile

Because I have friends

How do I live?

I eat what people eat,

Foods they threw,

I drink what people drink,

Water, everywhere I can find

How do I live?

I lived by jeers,

I lived by mocks,

I lived by cynical applauses,

But I don’t care,

Because I’m happy

How do I live?

I grieve for all, I always do,

My children were taken away,

Far from me,

My ‘late’ husband went missing,

I always long for them,

How do I live?

By waiting them to come home,

Until the end of my time,

To a hut made of boxes,

Which I always call

Home sweet home.

P/S: I know... Melancholic! cant be bad enough, eh?
Well, guess what! At least I finished my assignment in an hour while
drinking Season's Lemon Tea Ice in my room!! hahahaaa!!!

Aweyn's quest for answers...Tagged

2009-03-07T21:10:00.000-08:00

1. Letakkan 3 picture dalam berlainan mood :

2.Describe in 5 words about yourself :
#Internet-addict
#Music-addict
#Good-listener
#Loving (seriously)
#Smile

3.Berikan 3 perkara yang membuatkan anda gelisah :
#Assignment
#Exam
#Future

4.Huruf yang anda selalu guna :
# i (macam la..)

5.Senaraikan 5 perkara yang buat anda happy :
#Ice Cream
#Cousins
#Friends
#INTERNET!!!!!!
#MUSIC!!!!

6.Senaraikan 5 insan yang anda sayang :
#Parents
#Siblings
#Cousins
#Other family members (I miss Canon the most!)
#Friends (xpecially Kelawar)

7.Anda marah bila :
#Stress

8.Anda nangis bila :
#Stressed out
#Hilang sesuatu yg disayangi
#Post-Mortem...past sweetest experiences

9.Person to tag :
#Cousinku - Aweyn
#Aryanti
#damha irkuhs
#Cousinku - Zool The Green
#Lucien

Forbidden Topic

2009-02-27T21:38:00.001-08:00

I looked up in the Oxford Students Dictionary, and it says 'Homosexual' means "sexually attracted to people of the same sex as yours". Why do I state the definition for this matter? Because today, I feel like I need to talk about this minority which has been living under the watch of the public for over a decade now.
Invisible banners have been flagged up anywhere that people keep seeing this community as something that is forbidden and taboo. Majority sees people like this as crippled within them, body and soul. They are the people who have been misled to the wrong path. But personally, I think this community isn't as bad as what people thought. I think they are one of the strongest communities I've seen, because the upbringing they had in their life was as tough as a rock. That's the least I've thought of them. I know because I've seen this society before, I've mixed up with them and even coming along with them to the regular places they usually go where I ended up working at. And, I have also seen them at the most unpleasant condition but not that much worst as killing.
I am pressing down this matter after reading an article cited from an unspecified online newspaper, saying that an "Iraqi cleric wants gays killed in "MOST SEVERE WAY". I mean, should we punish them for the things they don't want to have themselves? For God sake, human don't punish other humans unless it's been officially decided by the state's law. Personal occurrences that happened might guide him to be ended up hating this community, and worst, he grew up by setting a mindset that he actually hates these people. Maybe by his parents who shaped him or the surrounding itself that unconsciously habituated him to manually creating hatred towards gay community?
Last week, I was supposed to watch an award show, the Oscar Awards. I've heard and read some articles criticizing the incident that happened during the show. I was not able to watch it for the reason that can't be avoided. 'Milk', a movie about a gay activist managed to receive more than 1 award during the gala. But what irritated me most is knowing that a speech of one of the winning casts was censored during his speech. The censored speech by Dustin Lance Black (award recipient) was quoted below;

"If Harvey had not been taken from us 30 years ago,
I think he would want me to say to all the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight ...that you are beautiful, wonderful creatures of value,
and that no matter what anyone tells you, God does love you,"
- cited from Yahoo News, Gay Asians criticize Oscar speech's TV censorship

Is this a proof of prejudice or just some kind of an insecurity sentiment towards gay people? Well for me, it's just what they do. Unconsciously, the award has triggered a little sign of chauvinism between people from the 'normal' towards gay.
I thought, the trend of prejudice has vanished long time ago after the end of the fight of Blacks and Whites in the America. But I found out recently during our Social Psychology class (which has just ended) that prejudice never vanish from an individual. It exists naturally from within ones self.
I am interested in citing what a person says in one of the articles I found online. They enclosed the matter about why people need to extend the argument about this kind of thing,

"people are entitled to opinions, yes, and we never tire of hearing this argument
from people who have nothing else to argue. But I think it is important that we all
remember that opinions can be and often are WRONG."

This was cited from the discussion forum that is about the censorship happened during the award gala (Oscar Award). Yes, I admit that people are entitled to opinions, BUT not always. People don't just make inaccurate and erroneous opinions; they make opinions based on what they know, what they see, and what they learned throughout their life. We don't necessarily need general knowledge to articulate an opinion. Regular life experiences and relevance are enough just to create an idea of argumentative.
For me, personally, gays are not the one to be blamed. They have rights, but 'normal' people are the one who generated the engine as the element of setting off these conflicts. I still remember during a lecture, last semester in our class. One of my so-called best friends were asked how do people in America act and he said, Americans are extrovert. And then, something came up in my mind. In my college, I will always be myself. I wouldn't want to be like some people who like to be someone else just to draw an attention from a group of people. I tell people who I really am, and I tell people what I am not comfortable of.
Back to the topic, I've told my friends that I've worked in a gay bar before, and the American friend of mine says "Owh my God, get away from me!" and in my mind, I was like, "yea right, Americans are extrovert enough, eh?." And once, I thought he means that Americans are extrovert and people from other countries are extra-extrovert. Prejudice people, prejudice!
But, I don’t care because I’ve experienced an enormous and provoking experience of being a part of the community. Back in Sabah, I always join my friends seeing the sights of the usual place for gays and prostitutes hunting for self-satisfaction or complacency there in Kota Kinabalu city. Some of them even managed to make this ‘leisure interest’ as a way of earning loads of cashes. In a non-prejudice way, I would say that this is actually not a good way because it concerns the hygiene and safety of them.
Hypothetically, maybe people would think, say or maybe do something bad if they see these people while doing their ‘thing’. But if they know why they happened to be like this, I’m sure they will just let them be whatever they want to do. Put ourselves in their shoes, see the world the way they do. Reflecting back to the situation they are having, in their family, maybe we’ll understand why some people behave the way they do.
I am not trying to back these people up, I was just trying my best to help them to bring their dignity up because in the past times, they were looked down and transition can never be noticed even though people were trying to put on view of their decency towards other so-called perfect people, and the best example would be the award gala incident. The righteousness they deserve despite the jeers poured onto them, was supposed to be far above the ground. People like Ellen DeGeneres, Sir Elton John though lack of something in their life (so to speak) capable of contributing a lot of things to the social order.
I can conclude that despite rambling a bit, maybe this piece of writing is capable to be an eye-opener for them to comprehend and learn something about the other side of their friends who is having this kind of predicament within them. Remember, a hindrance could be the words, but the mind could be the key to everything.

The time never stops...

2009-02-19T22:32:00.000-08:00

Now,I am sitting on the couch while listening to the 90's...I just got up since I was too tired today,I dun even have any idea why i felt so tired as I only have a tutorial and briefing yesterday. It wasn't that tiring after all, but then when I lay myself down to my bed, it was the greatest feeling ever. Minutes after that, everything turns black. :) i smiled...

I'm not sure how long I got myself drenched in a dream when Linda woke me up saying "Abang Ira,ada org nak pasang lampu" then I sluggishly got up and walked out of the room. I slept in front of the tv then minutes after that, this guy told us to go somewhere else AGAIN cuz he wanted to repair the lamp above me. After he's done repairing, I went back to my room and locked it so that I can have a very good sleep. I left my anger outside the room and continued my sweet sleep.

When I woke up, it was 30minutes past midnight and I grabbed my phone. The screen showed that there were 6 Messages Received. I replied most of them which is my mom, Oliver, and some more which I can't recall. Then, I get up from the bed, grabbed my notebook and get online outside. It was dark but the TV was on, it was the one who watches Linda asleep not vice versa. Haha!.

Being cautious cuz usually this time, a lot of weird stuff going on at the back of this house. Once, I heard people moaning, only God knows what they were doing [I know actually, cuz I heard everything]. Well, being truth to you guys... YE$!! I admit it..I got excited and then peeked on them. Hey, and the car was jiggling. There were 2 guys and I guess 2 girls as well. It was kinda dark, there was no light above them or around that can help me peek on those people but I know the amount of people in that car. A little glare from the nearest lamp however managed to help me to see what was happening inside the car, and the moaning? Explains everything.WEIHHH Hey, what am I talkin about..sorry..ok,let's keep going.

I opened all my online accounts. Hotmail, friendster, facebook, myspace and yada yada yadaaa. But I came across this forum which was posted in one of my online profile. They talked about a local indie singer, Yuna. This name is so familiar and I still remember her because my lil brother[number 1 indie fan, so to speak] introduced one of her songs to me. But the song is already fading from my head box.

I checked out her profile on Myspace and what surprised me was, she wears 'tudung'!. She is so unique, with a Norah Jones-like voice I know she can go far[like I know, I just can feel it]. There's another local indie singer came out when I typed her name on YouTube, Kokokaina. These girls are great, they're still undiscovered but still, everyone who watches their performance and listens to their originally self-composed songs, they'll see that these girls have a VERY VERY bright future.

Pretty calming, the songs of Yuna's. Try and listen to her songs, her English accent during singing and talking was so different. If she speaks, she sounds so Malay~ish, but when she sings, well that's when she jumbles up her accent and it really make her sounds like an English woman.

I am sure if I have her EP[whatever that is], I'm definitely gonna send a copy to my little brother in Ranau. But, we'll see.

Uhhh.... Next week is gonna be soooooooo HECTIC. Research proposal needs to be handed in on Friday, but then me,Vince and Chika still have not decided which research problem to pick whether it's mine or theirs.

It's 4.21AM and I am not asleep. It's the movie fest at HELP Univ. We were asked to watch 'Crash' for one of the subjects I took this semester. I watched it before, it was last year, the same movie fest which we were asked to watch the ALL-TIME BORING movie, Gladiator[OMG kill me kill me!!!].

But it goes another way for 'Crash'. It is one of the strongest films I've ever watched. The messages are obvious and direct, the actors are great as well. I saw this movie was nominated in the previous Academy Award. It won half of the awards apart from other great movies like "Memoirs of a Geisha" and the ever-popular Gay-Themed 'Brokeback Mountain'.

It's almost 4.40AM now and I wanna get some more rest...

Cited from Friendster Blog, 6th February 2009

on 20th February 2009

The story about Kelawar

2009-02-19T22:31:00.000-08:00

It's time... It's time for us Kelawar to be apart for real. About 4.20 p.m just now, Fik came to my house. He looks unusual, and kind of stressed out. He came and went to the other side of our veranda so that there will only be me and him and no one will see. I felt glad as he chose to come to my house instead of going to any other Kelawar's.

At first we were like huhu-haha, and so on. I asked him wether his father's already home and he said his father's getting ready now. But what amazes me is that he still taking the chances to meet his friend. Yesterday, me and him rode to Pekan Ranau to settle some stuff. We to get a confirmation for his certificates and so on. And we even rode across the rain to PPD via his motorcycle just to get a signature from the EO. That was our last sentimental memory together with the last Kelawar standings....LOL! We went back home and stopped for a while at Lohan Resthouse to get some rest and drinks. About an hour after that, we decided to go home and planned to go out at night but unfortunately it was raining. I slept till 12am then was woke up by an sms and missed call from my Oliver and Fik.

Kinda lazy but I dont feel comfortable for doesnt return Fik's call so i phoned him and then we decided to go out on that moment, about 12.30am. I drove out and fetched him up. We've got a lot of things to talk about but the only matter that cannot be left out is the leaving, me and him. After spending some times there, we leave. I drove through Jalan Kg. Marakau till the highway near Kg. Libang and went directly to 'Gemuruh'. I think, it will be our last time staying there coz after this we're not gonna have time to do this thing again. From around 3.00 a.m, we talked bout the memories we had together with the other Kelawars especially the one and only,Kej (LOL!!!). Then, we fell asleep together which about an hour after that Fik woke me up to go home. I sent him home and he said "See you tomorrow...", and I agreed.

I got up at about 9.30a.m and went downstairs. I started wondering wether he will come or not coz I know Fik doesn't broke a promise. But then I remember I only transferred him RM1 to his number and that much credit he used to call his so called 'cewek' (LOL...). I started to doubt about his promise to meet me today and to my amazement, while watching an Indonesian movie "Midas dan Ikan Mas Ajaib" (wahh ingattt...ahahhaa!!). Back to the point, and to my amazement my mother suddenly blurted out "Tuna si Fikri"(Thats Fikri!).

I was surprised to find out that he still went out to see his friend for the last time. He took the chance while his father is taking a shower to get ready before they leave to KK. We sat down near our Ninja and there we were, talking about things. And suddenly he said "This is so sad", I laughed but I was shocked to see HE CRIED!!! I think this is my first time seeing him cry like this. I know he got a lot of problem, I know because he told me so. He tells me a lot of story but I will never tell anyone. We shared a lot of things and stories. Maybe that's why he came to see me for the last time, and I guess I'm the last friend he came to see.

We planned so many things days before he left. We planned to find a place to stay and all but, we'll see...

Cited from Friendster Blog, 20th August 2008
on 20th February 2009

Betray + Happy

2009-02-19T22:30:00.000-08:00

I thought everything has gone back to normal..And i thought that meeting someone special is able to reopen my heart to another being to get into my life...But since it became like this...I dont know wether im able to once again flip open a new page of relationship.

I cant deny that I felt betrayed but I tried giving it a second thought then I found out that I'm not betrayed,I was just became a victim of a person whom I really adore.Sometimes when I think back all the things he said,it felt like I was on the top of his friend list AND SO I AM.But apparently, I'm not more than just a normal human being to him.

What hurts the most is that at the time I was forcing myself to help your 'problem' out.You were making a beautiful night with someone I really like,I really want.I TOLD YOU THAT I LIKE THAT PERSON SO MUCH,AND YOU SAID THAT I SHOULD TELL THE PERSON OF WHAT I'M FEELING...YOU WERE TRYING TO HELP ME?????????? YOU TOOK THAT PERSON FROM ME FOR GOD SAKE!

Sometimes I dont know wether I'm talking with you based on our friendship or based on that thing you did.I adore you much,boy! I never lied to you.But as your lies kept broken and as a problem arises every single seconds,I feel that a gap is digging it for themself.Is that because of you? or me? or is this because fate is now getting it all over between us?

Boy,cant you see what you're doing to our relationship? its like...I'm trying so hard to save it but then you...you just dont give a damn.And guess what,do I should give you a chance for the hell I know how much time already...? SHOULD I????

Everything is spontaneous tonight.I was driving to my cousin's house from sending you home just now.And I was thinking,it's time to make a difference this time,it's time to show you what real friendship is.Boy,you supposed to know that life never go on your way,it's just sometimes come to what it supposed to be.And the decision is in your hand wether you should do it or not.

Now its up to you...LIES AND MORE LIES AND MORE LIES....or real friendship...please give it a second thought....

Cited from Friendster Blog, 15th July 2008

on 20th February 2009

It's quiet in here

2009-02-19T22:28:00.000-08:00

I was sitting back on my bed when suddenly a song played at my computer next to me..(in fact,im the one who played it) But I was so bored then. So, I was trying all my best to think of what should i do to make these things to get the h*** outta my head! Lately,these things keep crossing my mind. I was imagining things...It felt like I was betrayed and...Uhhh~~ God, only He knows how I felt at the moment. Well, I sat on my chair facing the computer screen and put my hands on my keyboard and start typing spontaneously...I played a lot of songs but my heart doesnt feel like wanna listen to a hard song so I played the slow numbers.Gosh, these few days make me so emo inside lah~. I might be a guy but....GUY GOT FEELINGs too,rite?
You dont how it feels when something that you're afraid of suddenly came true. I was so shocked and at the same time was feeling a little(DUHHH~~ A LOT) dissapointed. But I know feelings cannot be change in a single blink of an eye...Uhh,Now Connie(my niece) is calling me like crazy outside...My dad wanna bring me to kebun to plant getah...aiyoo~! Since when im so rajin going to kebun ahh??? ahlouuu...
But whatever happens, let it happen...Im just gonna let it slip away just like nothing huge happening...Hope both of them happy with whomever they might be with.... :) (smile for them!) Will drop something more soon..My dad's getting angrier,ahaks! WELL LIFE MUST GOES ON,AIGHT!!! PEACE YO!

Cited from Friendster Blog, 5th July 2008
on 20th February 2009

Kisses

2009-02-19T22:27:00.001-08:00

Have you ever been kissed? Kiss on your forehead,on your cheek, on your lips,on your neck...And my favorite, the kiss on your eyes...
It makes me feel loved...Thanx to you...I can feel the love you poured on me...
I made you uncomfortable the other day...So I apologize and dedicate this song to you...The lyrics explained it all...

My Prayer - Eric Benet

I don't want to live this way no more

I don't want to fight this endless lonely war

I don't want to stand alone, without the only love I've known

And never find that ray of light we had before

I never meant to break your precious heart

And what I did can't be undone and it's tearing me apart

Far too late for promises, but if you gave us one more chance

You would see a better man worth fighting for

Love sweet love I feel your power

Hear my prayer, we're in your hands now

Take these hearts so lost and broken

Bring us home again

If this prayer for love is never heard

Oh, and if you have to walk away for these are only words

Baby I will understand but I will always be that man

Waiting here for you with love and open arms

Love sweet love I feel your power

Hear my prayer, we're in your hands now

Take these hearts so lost and broken

Bring us home again

Remember all the times we had, the dreans that we once shared

I swear I'll bring them back to you again

Again

Love sweet love I feel your power

Hear my prayer, we're in your hands now

Take these hearts so lost and broken

Bring us home again

Cited from Friendster Blog, 21st June 2008

on 20th February 2009

Down... - JJ Lin

2009-02-19T22:23:00.000-08:00

I bought his CD some times ago...and the first time i heard this song,i was like.."wahh...best juga!" then i started memorize all the words even though i got it a little messed up sometime(yeah...LOL)...but yeah,now when im in this situation...when i look back to the lyrics...it reminds me of my own fate..my destiny of being a very loyal individual...IM SERIOUS..this is what u get if ur really...i mean REALLY loyal to somebody..even though u knew that they are someone's belonging...and knowing that you cant have them fully(100%),and this lyric portrayed all the situations...u can listen to it everywhere(youtube,imeem,or just download it at limewire or ares..as it was a kinda old song..)

Down - JJ Lin (Lin Jun Jie)

I can't believe it, tell me i am dreaming that we are still we.
It was amazing said you were lucky that you found me.

It was on a rainy day that we met, you didn't have a place to go.
As we just met so lets go slow but no you just told me to keep you from the cold
Sorry i can't take it, why you fake it, why did we kiss.

And i'm just down, you've left me with a note and without a sound.
I've figured i must stop being such a child. You'll never know how much i've been around.
How my heart just frowns on your down
I'll be your teddy bear, i'll be your cloud, i'll take round and round
And if you don't mind i could be your standing ground
Even if that means i'll drown.

As we just met so lets go slow but no you just told me to keep you from the cold
Sorry i can't take it, why you fake it, why did we kiss.

And baby that will be my one last vow

:: hope you guys enjoy wif the song ::

Cited from Friendster Blog, 16th April 2008

on 20th February 2009

P/S : iLoveYou Guys....

2009-02-19T22:21:00.000-08:00

I've been out from my home since 10.30pm..n as amatter of fact i planned to go home at 12.30am but apparently some ppl keep distracting me away wid some problems and stuff to talk about...well,as u know(at least who knew me!),im kinda easy-distracted n influentiable(is this word exist???) kinda person so i talked to them for about an hour and then we decided to go to Majinggul's house(its a very famous house wid a dark story in it,konon la~)..but we didnt go in,we just sat there for only several minutes and we ride back and then directly to sk lohan's bus stop.we sat there n talk,got a lot of story n i know some more things about my lil bro's problem n hey! well,now i finally see that my friends really do care about "their friends"!they taught me something i never even knew and..I LOVE MY FRIENDS! after sitting and talking,laughing our ass off for 2hours! we decided to go to Gray's house.Guess what! his father got really mad about him getting home late n finally we decided to go to saufi's house instead of staying in gray's. I laughed a lot(i mean, A LOTT!!!) when "eddy the man" starts his stupid jokes at saufi's even though we talk like whispering.there is this moment when everyone of them were puffing cigarettes,i asked for one puff from Fik but he said 'NO!' then I asked Kerj but Fik said 'NO!',then i asked for Eddy and Fik also said 'NO!'.I begged them but nobody want to! Is that mean they really care about me? about their friend? especially when someone prevents people from giving out something that they think is forbidden to them,i think that really symbolize as an understanding growth and friendship bonding. An dnow i see,thats my real friend..THEY REALLY ARE! thanx..muahx.. :x

Cited from Friendster Blog, 13 December 2007

on Feb 20th 2009

Woman Driver..

2008-10-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

Just like last week, I was late. I had to wait for a train that will only come every 30 minutes and then run to the bus terminal to hop on a bus to Damansara, but with a long queue and the bus that will only come every 30 minutes as well was impossible for me to reach college in 1 hour.
And today, when hopped on the bus, I saw something that makes me think a lot. I was clinging to the pole beside me and as I look around, I saw the bus driver’s face. I was kind of surprised the driver is actually a woman. I know this is normal for my seeing a woman driving a bus in my hometown, but in a metropolitan city like this?
From then on, I kept thinking how does she managed to control every single person that got into the bus she’s driving and how does she manage to actually get into a job like this as she is a woman. Loads of questions run through my mind. What makes her think this is the right job for her? Or maybe this is what she HAS to do. How about her children? It was early in the morning, and she has to assists her children to go to school.
It is an interesting topic to talk about. I guess some of us don’t realize that women are as strong as men. In my opinion, this woman does what she has to do. Because, no woman likes to be somewhere they’re not supposed to. I mean come on, cliché’ thinking
says that the job is only for a man. But then another thing came up, how about a job like a Minister or even President? These job don’t necessarily need a man to do these job because women have more specific, clear and detail thinking. So thumbs up to women.
I can conclude that today, I learned something. Job doesn’t always come to us just like that. To achieve it, something must be done and that is that. Balancing with our ability, passion and effort gives us major chance of getting to where we are intending to go, or what do we want to be.

ep101

2008-10-19T16:08:00.000-07:00

English for Psychology

(EP101)

Introduction

It is very interesting that people on earth have varieties of identity. Some of them dance a lot, and some hurt themselves, but that is what make them unique and differentiate them from one another. Their identity sometime thrills us, but little we know that group of people have actually keep something interesting and may lead us to know more about life and teaches us how to understand their culture as well as ours.

By knowing the facts about them, and comparing both ours and theirs, will give us ideas to improve ourselves. For example, how they treat the eldest and young ones in their community will positively affect our life automatically if we really study the whys and hows.

In this assignment, we will try to discover one tribe that is anonymous. We were given a list of quotation about this society and our group will conduct a research. Our group will then search for information as much as we can based on academic and official books, journals and etc. After everything’s lined-up, we will then start to combine everything so that we are able to match and identify the characteristics and the culture.

At this point, we will start to make hypotheses and then an evidence-based and conclusive assumption about this society through a perspective of an ‘economist’. We find this job is very suitable for this work because a job as an ‘economist’ consists of knowledge about the relations between economy and life.

Then, from the hypotheses formed and research conducted we will try to figure out the exact tribe that been pointed out after all the quotation is define and then narrowed down to only one possibility. Lastly, we will conclude the thesis with our personal comments on our conducted research and the result we got.

she came in and i was thrilled...

2008-10-13T17:23:00.001-07:00

Journal (Week 5)
Mohd. Firhani Mozainie
B0802545
Career Guidance

I was late coming to class today. I was sweating all over my body as I ran here and there, catching the train and bus.
I realized that my life in the past week’s been so unarranged. Assignment and homework done last minute, my sleep time is limited and my effort to study starting to decrease every single day.
However, I won’t let my problem effects me anymore starting from now on. I’m going to start energizing myself. I am facing a huge problem now, but I will still try to continue giving my full commitment towards my study.
There’s nothing much we’ve done today in the class, but today Ms. Yeo Pei Li inserted a special touch in her slot. He invited someone special to give some talk about her lifetime experience, how she managed to be a successful as how she is today.
All I know was her name, which is Catherine (sorry if there’s a miss-spelling). She faced a lot in her younger years, financially and in life itself. However, she turned back to God and that helps her to face everything. To link it with how it motivates me is that, her spirit and determination towards education. The moment she performed her song, everybody sit still and no voices heard. That is the moment I realized that someone’s disadvantages could be their inspirations to be successful as they are today. It would never stop you to reach the goal of your life.
What we can conclude is that, if we just whine every single time and no effort comes out from ourselves, there’s nothing that we are able to achieve. Commitment, determination, and effort has to come together to be successful in the field we’re in.

new week...new problem

2008-10-13T04:04:00.001-07:00

Last week was the ‘Raya’ week. I couldn’t attend any of the lectures for the whole week as I was in Sabah helping my family getting ready for the Raya celebration. It’s always a good feeling going back to our hometown, isn’t it? Even though it only takes a week or two. It eases the feeling of longing for our family and friends.

Looking at the people around us actually can trigger something in our mind. Like, when I was in my hometown, I and my friends did our own so-called ‘activity’, which is loitering around. We’ll find a place where we can see people around and we’ll start sitting and talking for hours. But, what makes that day different was the way I look at the people around me.

The moment I glanced at the society there in my hometown, I feel like so grateful that I am able to continue to achieve my dream by pursuing my study in the university. Then, I see a friend of mine. He’s two years younger than me, but he stopped his study before he could even finish his high school, it all happened after his mother’s dead. He got three elder brothers and a younger sister. His father still around but barely go and look out on his children because of his new family.

All of them have not been able to continue and even finish their high school because of the lack of financial support. However, by working day and night, then are now able to stand on their own.

I couldn’t imagine what will I be if I stand in their shoes. The challenges are hard, and they faced it by themselves. They are now looked mature enough to talk about finances and life because of the experiences they have.

Now, I realize that nowadays hard work is what matters most. By doing the best we can, we can achieve whatever we want or at least increases the quality of our life. For me, by examining ones experiences, I can take the positive and negative value of the outcome to be adapted to my life. By only examining my friend’s lifetime experiences, I learned a lot about life.

Embarrassing!

2008-09-22T07:57:00.000-07:00

This week is EMBARRASING. That’s what I can picture myself this week. The personality guessing activity was fun, but it was embarrassing at the same time. Why do I say so you say? It was all because of the personality quiz that Ms Pei Li gave us.

The activity was like this, we were given some questions. And then, from that we can get our exact coordinate in the graph given, and apparently I got into the ‘dove’ group. Dove’s personalities are quite weak, and we can really relate that to our group’s guts. It was still pictured clearly on my mind, Pei Li asked Group A2 to come out on to the stage and nobody goes out. It was the most embarrassing moment in my time here in HELP University College.

What we can see here actually is the personality that I and my group members shouldn’t have. We’re not willing to take a challenge and this is obviously makes us seems so weak in mind strength.

I don’t know how to cope with this in my future. I am willing to learn more in this course, because I realize that I cannot be like this forever as it will affect me during my career life.

After the class, I feel like a LOSER because it really shows that I had no guts to dare myself and dare my mind to be challenged. I am guessing some of my friends do have the

same feeling as I am, but I had to realize that I am in a university now. And university is

different than high school.

I had to start building myself in the matter of throwing away my shyness. Other than that, adapting myself as well as to be open-minded and dare to be challenged. My expectation to be somewhat mature in the university has not been achieve yet, so starting from now on I had to learn the way to improve myself.

If I don’t do this from now on. I am sure that in the future, I’d be like a person who is so IMMATURE and the shyness would prevent me from doing something that’s out of my expectation. I come out from the lecture hall with a feeling of embarrassed and I would try not to get that feeling ever again.

But, how do I do that? It’s just a matter of time. I’ll learn how to improve myself by watching my other friends who have different attitude as mine. From there, I will surely know which part of my attitude should be changed and fixed.

I had to give a round of applause to Pei Li as she really showed us of who we are. I am sure in almost 4 weeks we’ve been together, there are so many things that we (students) have discovered about ourselves. Weakness, abilities, and so on through this course. This really means so much to me and my friend’s future. Thanks a lot Pei Li!

Best Regards,

Indra M.

Reflective Journal (week 2)

2008-09-13T23:46:00.002-07:00

I was leaning back on the couch in the auditorium watching and listening to Ms. Pei Li’s speech. Today I managed to get in to class on-time. Maybe early than my other friends.

Pei Li drove her class pretty laidback today. I’m sure most of us have a lot to say in their journal about what were we doing during today’s lecture in Pei Li’s class.

But what catches my attention most was the journal recital by one of my classmate, namely Jeevi. She catches everyone’s attention that the class became so much quiet. She talks about how her parents really wanted her to be in medical field. Her story brought me back (AGAIN!) back to mine, back in time where my parents and even my brother urged me to get into medical.

I nod to what my parents said, yet I still apply for what my interest is begging for, which is Psychology. I know that the demand for medical graduates are very high nowadays, but still I chose to be in Psychology. Why? Because I see the future for this course. I knew if I managed to get my passion, and hard work come together, I’m sure that someday, somewhere I will be somebody.

I know that it is not easy to reach where I want to be, yet it is NOT impossible either. I just need some hard work, as well as focus. I opted to be in Psychological area, so I should know what am I supposed to be. Lists of people have proved that they did it, so I’m sure my hard work will pay me well enough and wouldn’t let me down if I plan everything wisely.

We did an activity today, we were divided into groups. From the handout we were given, we were asked to do some tests and from that test we know which group we were in. So, I picked out a group called Group 2(I), the ‘Investigative’ group.

I don’t really consider myself as an investigative kind of person, but apparently when I gave it a second thought, I actually do like working in a scientific setting. As I love solving puzzles and codes, it makes me feel more interested in getting into the ‘I’ group (workshop). This is because, what is necessary for ones to be in the ‘Investigative’ is like to learn, observe, investigative, analyze or solve problems. I chose to be a Health Psychologist.

I choose to be Health Psychologist because it combines two disciplines. One, it consists the knowledge of medical as I am into medical as well, and the second one is the

study of human behavior. Another career that’s on my list are Neuropsychologist, Clinical Psychologist and a regular Psychologist. These career’s needs are the same, combination between medical knowledge as well as the study of human behavior.

As I think deeply, my goal has became more obvious. My career goal is getting clearer and that makes my spirit on reaching out my goal has increased. I should thank to this subject especially to the lecturer Ms. Yeo Pei Li for opening my eyes wider on my future.

Best Regards,
Indra

Reflective Journal (week 1)

2008-09-13T23:46:00.001-07:00

It is the day where I had to attend my first class at HELP University College. It was the day Muslims start to fast, so after having an early breakfast I went and get ready. Unfortunately, I was still an hour late. Maybe this is because I just started to learn how to take public transportation. I may just take a cab, it’s a whole lot easier. But I don’t want to spend much of my money on a cab, I’m afraid that it would be my habit to use a taxi as my routine transportation, just imagine how much money I’ll waste.

The first class that’s held today was PSY110, Career Guidance class. The lecturer, namely Ms. Yeo Pei Li is a nice and bubbly person. She has asked us to call her Pei Li. Well, apparently I found it a little bit awkward as I never called any of my teacher as their own name before. But yeah, I have to deal with it. WELCOME TO UNIVERSITY!

Lecture today reminds me of my parents, especially my mom. She really wants me to get into ‘that medical stuff’ She even tried to ask my uncle to persuade me to apply for medical course. Yes, I do tried and most of them responded positively but somehow, somewhere in my mind I know that I’m not that good enough to be in this field. My first option is actually to be where my brother is, taking a course in Law and then comes Psychology.

And when I think it all over again, at least I should give some variety in career. I knew that my mum would be disappointed in what I was planning to take. But she managed to get things over well.

When I start my study at HELP University, I knew that Psychology is the one for me. Hence, when I participate in Pei Li’s class, Career Guidance really opens my mind, I don’t see PSY110 as some sort of guidance on choosing a career. I look at it as more of a ‘spirit-lifter’, it gains our love for our own passion. It gains my love for Psychology and I should thank Ms. Pei Li for that.

My expectation towards the courser that I am taking now is just simple. It gives me money so that I can pay back my loan, as well as pay back all the money that I spent which came from my parents’ hardwork(SERIOUSLY!). I know it’s a little bit cliché` but what can I do, a son got to do what a son got to do,right?.

Best Regards,

Indra